Shifting Shadows - R. Dex

-5-

Jules jolted upright, feeling as though her legs were trapped and...and Feo...that bastard. Her eyes burned as she kicked, pulling back, desperate to get away from-

Blankets. They fell away as she moved, having been wrapped around her legs, restricting her movements. It was just her own damn blankets.

She reached up to her eyes, wet with...tears. She was crying. It was the salty tears that were burning her sensitive scarred flesh.

A knocking sound set her head spinning and her sweat-soaked body flinching again.

"Captain O'Keefe?"

That voice. She knew it. Her still waking brain was slow to process until more knocking sounded. "Teyla."

"I hope I did not wake you but I heard noises coming from your quarters when I was coming to get you for breakfast."

"Uh...No. I just woke up."

"Will you join me for breakfast?" The last thing Jules wanted to do in that moment was be around a large group of people who probably all saw her ridiculous inability to be in a crowd the night before. She needed an excuse though. Teyla was too honest to let her off easy.

"I have a headache. I think I'm going to try to sleep it off."

"Colonel Sheppard informed me you did not have a full dinner. Perhaps it is from lack of sustenance."

"No, I'm prone to migraines. This is...sleep will help."

There was a beat of silence from the other side of the door before Teyla consented. "Alright. If you need anything, please call. Perhaps Dr. Beckett can give you something to help at your check in."

"Good idea. Thanks, Teyla." After a few more moments of tension, Jules fell back on the pillows, suddenly exhausted but absolutely determined not to sleep any more.

~<>~

"Captain O'Keefe?"

She jumped at the sound of Rodney McKay's voice in front of her. Carson had refused to come to her quarters for her check-in, claiming she needed to move around, and she was too proud to ask anyone to take her. So, she'd attempted to find her way to the infirmary without a babysitter, but she'd quickly found the whole thing overwhelming. The sounds, the people passing by, the buzz of the city...and she couldn't quite recall exactly how to get to the infirmary from her quarters. For the last ten minutes, she stood, tucked into a utility closet, clinging desperately to the shelves in front of her as she tried to calm her breathing. She twisted her head in his direction before speaking. "Dr. McKay."

"What-uh...Why are you standing in a closet?"

"I um...got turned around."

"Isn't...Sheppard or someone supposed to be-"

"I'm not an invalid, Dr. McKay. I shouldn't require an escort to get around Atlantis."

McKay studied her stance, noting the quick rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed, her white knuckles on the shelves. She was scared. "Right. Well...where- Where were you headed?"

"I have to check in with Dr. Beckett."

"Ah. The infirmary. Yes. Well, that would be, uh..." McKay grasped her shoulders to turn her but she batted him away and flinched, pressing herself further into the closet. He huffed in response. "I'm just trying to help."

"I know but don't- I-" She exhaled. "Just...a little warning would be nice before you-"

"Right. Yes. The eyes and-" He cleared his throat and she rolled her eyes. "May I?" She nodded and held her elbow out for Rodney to take. He steered her out of the alcove and turned her around. "You were going the wrong way. Infirmary's this way."

She shrugged him off, hands on the wall. "Right. Thanks."

McKay watched her for a second before suddenly matching her pace and muttering, "Why don't I join you? I've got a nagging headache I could use some meds for, hm?"

Jules rolled her eyes again and shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"Right." They walked in silence a few moments before Rodney spoke again. "Where'd you learn to take down a dart with a knife? That was..."

"When you're running from them, you get desperate. And creative."

"But you couldn't even see it!"

"I still have ears, Dr. McKay. And darts are rather loud."

"Right." Another silence before, "Rodney."

"Excuse me?"

"Call me Rodney. Dr. McKay seems formal for...well..."

"For someone who saw me half naked in a brothel?"

"Right. That too but I meant more for someone who's out of commission-"

"Thanks for the reminder."

"Sure."

She snorted in response and they fell to silence again before Jules finally said, "Jules. You should...call me Jules."

"Jules. Right. Oops. This way." She anticipated his movement this time and only flinched a small bit when his hand came to rest on her shoulder. She heard the door hiss and Rodney said, "Here we are. Ah! Carson! Got any triptans? I have a massive headache."

"Rodney. And Jules. Good to see you, lass. Let's get you a seat and I'll take a look at you as soon as Rodney stops whining." Jules heard steps drawing close as he spoke, only allowing herself to tense slightly, trying to retrain her mind and body not to startle at every noise. Carson rested his hand on her back and steered her forward until her knees bumped a bed and she sat. "I'll be right back, dear."

Jules heard Rodney muttering something about her being alone in the hall and where was Shepherd and she rolled her eyes, rolling the tension out of her shoulders as well. She was frustrated by how difficult she was finding seemingly simple things...like walking down the hall. Or...eating. But she was beginning to distinguish the sounds and feel of Atlantis from the other places she'd been while on her own. Here, there was always someone walking. Atlantis also had a constant buzz, which she was beginning to find grounding. It also helped her sense the walls, the doorways, and she knew with time it would help her to better navigate the place on her own. It seemed without her eyes, her other sense were, in fact, improving, and she was learning to hear-

Footsteps drawing closer. She tensed, unsure who was approaching, when she heard Carson's familiar brogue. "Alright. Let's take a look at you, aye?" She nodded and rolled her shirt up to reveal the bandages on her wound. "Ah, this is looking lovely. You've been taking the antibiotics I gave you?" She nodded. "Good. Be sure to finish the whole course. How's the pain?"

"Nothing I can't handle with a few NSAIDs."

"Good, but don't hesitate to let me know if you need something stronger. Now...how is the anxiety?"

Her eyes flicked toward his voice for a second before she responded. "Fine. I'm fine."

"Captain, you had a pretty bad panic attack just the other day-"

"It's Jules. And that was the other day. This is today. It's- I'm fine." She rolled her shirt back down over the bandages.

She plastered on a smile but Carson wasn't fooled. Knowing not to push, he simply cleared his throat and said, "Right. Well, that's good, but it would be totally normal for someone who went through-"

"I know what I went through."

"Of course, but you should know-"

"Are we done here, Dr. Beckett?"

Carson sighed. "I think you might rival Colonel Sheppard for worst patient. But yes, we're done here. I'd like you to come down here for another day or two, if you can manage."

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Doc." With that, she hopped off the gurney and felt her way to the door and into the hallway.

She focused on the direction she was going, the buzzing of wall, the number of steps to each turn and doorway until she reached the safety of her room. And then she could finally breathe.