A Missed Opportunity

2

❃𝙺𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚊❃

I didn't want to come here initially. I didn't really have a choice either way though, so it didn't really matter, and I haven't had time to really come to terms with the fact that I don't totally want to be here.

It's all clouded by the fact that it's for the best that I'm out here and my mother needs me to be here for her, so I really haven't even been able to put into words why I don't want to be here. Somehow though, my mother understands. Maybe just by the look in my eyes or even the way my body language has been when she sees me. She knows I don't want to be here, and I see her apology in her expression every time we come around.

There's a reason I left my friends and family seven years ago. I felt like I had to start fresh after finding out I was pregnant with Cameron and realizing who the father was—Even better, who he wasn't. Who he was, for one, was a drunk. A drunk who probably had been with more women than just me in that week alone. He was charming, which is what roped me in, in the first place. It was his gentle—but admittedly a little absent—hazel eyes that never seemed to leave mine that made that night's decision for me.

There were a lot of things he was, but what he wasn't really mattered above all. Who he wasn't was a man who knew what he wanted. Who had his life together and who knew how to care and provide for a family. He wasn't someone who could've done anything more to my baby but damage him. It's something I'm sure of—Something I've seen and experienced before.

I guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. My father was a lot like him. He was a drunk who couldn't provide for his family either—in every sense of the word. Now, I didn't know the man well enough to decide confidently that he was as bad as my father, but I'm okay with that. Even if he wasn't, a drunk is not someone fit to be a father. And at the time, I didn't want my baby growing up in a house all too similar to mine. I didn't want him exposed to it all so soon, he's nothing but a little boy.

Being back home really only awakens those memories of my loud, unsafe childhood home. And it brings back those blurry memories of that night. The night my friends convinced me to leave my house late at night and go to a new bar that just opened up. The night they dragged me out only to split up almost immediately with different partners. I wasn't much better than them though, because I quickly found my partner of the night.

He looked like he'd been there for a while before me, already with a beer in his hand. He asked in a slow but somehow still comprehensibly if I would let him buy me a drink. I was too caught up in the way his eyes looked in the light to have the sense to tell him I should go find my friends instead. Especially since for some reason, I was the first to sit beside him.

I caught his name, but not much else I could actually go on. Not that it would've mattered anyway. A man like him wouldn't have known what to do with the news that he wasn't being as safe as he had hoped that night. However, I did try to find him again, but after only a few months, I began to show and realized this life wasn't the one I wanted for my son. So, I left.

Sometimes, I do hate myself for not trying harder to find that man. But then I look at how wide my son's smile is and realize that he's okay with it being just us. He's smart though, and he's figured out what he's missing. Even still, Cameron smiles at me and has decided that he will do the honors of being the 'protection' of the house, something he's decided is the same as the man of the house.

It's pretty cute to watch him protect our home with a stuffed unicorn named Taffy tucked close to his chest.

Now that we're back though, I try to get comfortable here. I've come to terms with the fact that I either need to figure out how to convince my mom to go to our old town with us then try to figure out all of her doctor and insurance things, or I just need to get us settled here until the day comes where we don't have a reason to be here anymore—Which isn't something I ever want to think about or hope for.

"How are you guys doing then, dear?"

I take a deep breath as I lean back in my seat, tucking my legs up onto the couch while I hold my tea mug close with both hands. "Good." I slowly decide on a nod. "He starts school in about a month." My eyes drift down the hall where Cameron ran off with Taffy. "I made a new friend already." I add with a little smile.

My mom smiles back at me. "At work?"

I shake my head softly. "No, I met another mom at, um..." I squint at the ceiling. "You know that little shop we used to go to for milkshakes?" I remind. She smiles as she nods. "Yeah—I met her there. She had her daughter with her, so we sat down and talked for a while." I explain, beginning to smile as I go. "Actually, she invited us to her daughter's birthday party next weekend."

"Oh, that's nice." Mom nods. "I'm glad you're making friends." She decides quietly, watching me with an almost pitiful look.

I ignore that expression and just keep smiling. "Actually though, work is going pretty well so far. Most of my coworkers have already introduced themselves so," I trail off and nod.

I don't really expect to make too many friends at work. Maybe nice colleagues who I can talk to at the water cooler, but probably not hang out outside of the office. At the very least, I have a friend who seems just as eager to have one too. Her daughter is turning three, so she's a little too young for Cameron to be wonderful friends with, but he still got along good with her at the table. He finally managed to let go of Taffy for twenty minutes to let Elaina have her fun with Taffy.

I still have no idea why he loves that stuffed unicorn so much, but I can't really judge him. I had this one stuffed animal I refused to let go of too when I was his age. I have no idea where Penny is now though.