Everyday Life with a Murderer

Chapter 34: Confessions

"No!!!"

They were yelling like that at each other. Red-eyed murderer suddenly took a deep breath and opened his mouth, aiming to intimidate Seiji with words,

"I-" suddenly he hesitated...

He wanted to say to Seiji that he will kill him if he wouldn't let him go, but then, he realized it wouldn't work... Seiji was used to his threats, not to mentioned, he wanted to be killed anyways...

Hideaki looked at his programmer roommate.

"Tch!" The mere thought of confessing his feelings and secrets was mentally exhausting for him.
'I don't want to discuss this stuff with him now... Isn't it enough for him to know that I want to kill him? Must there be some other meaning to be found? I'm fed up with him...'

Seiji glanced closer at him.
"Like I said before, I just want to help you... With all my heart."

"Tch!" Hideaki hissed in irritation again,
'He won't let me go so easily from this... idiot...'
Then he spoke up
"Why are you so determined to do this, huh!?"

"I already told you." The programmer replied

"But for fuck's sake why!?"

"You know why. To know your side of the story. What made you who you are. I've been curious about this for a long time, but I never had time to truly ask you about it... And in order to help you, I need to know a little bit about what brought you to the state you are currently in."

Hideaki clenched his fists,
"Damnit!" he was very irritated
'Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!' he yelled inside his head at Seiji

"So...?" The blonde-haired programer asked, making sure that it wouldn't be that much of a problem for his friend.

"Damn you!" Hideaki insulted him with anger
'What would convince him to let me go...?'

Seeing his roommate's offensive reactions, Seiji interjected,
"You can't solve everything with aggression. If you're frustrated on something or--"

Suddenly Hideaki interrupted him.

"Ahh! Shut up! I can't listen to your fucking wise talk anymore! 'Do this, Don't do that!' You're pissing me off! If you want to know this part of the story about me so much then... Tch! let's make a deal!...
I'll tell you why I murder others... But in return... You will stop ordering me around, and tell me why you want to kill yourself! OKAY!? After that you'll leave me finally alone!" He asked.
It was obvious that his nerves were reaching their peak. He was desperate and wanted to get rid of Seiji's intrusion as quickly as possible... Even if that would mean finally getting himself to talk about what Seiji wanted to discuss with him.

'It's something that has to be done... something that we have to do, for the good of others... for the good of Hideaki...' Seiji said in his mind.
"Okay. We have a deal." he agreed on the conditions.

"T-Then start..." Hideaki shyly spoke up.

"Why me? I was the first one who wanted to know about you."

"Tch! B-but..."

"Hideaki, no buts! You-" then Seiji stopped himself from further entrusting what he wanted.
After a while he sighed
"I mean... If you don't feel like you're first to tell it, fine... I can tell mine part as first..." Seiji said reluctantly.
'Someone has to take the first step... knowing him, if I would dig dipper into forcing him to do so, he would become too stubborn and too irritated to began to tell stuff about him out of his free will... We would then argue and nothing will come of it...
Fine then... let it be...'

Seiji took a deep breath before beginning to speak up.
He knew that if he didn't do it, they wouldn't move forward with Hideaki's development.

"Hideaki... The reason why I want to kill myself... is simple...
I've had enough.
I was, and still am subjected to mobbing at work for a long time...
They humiliated me, harassed me, made fun of me among other co-workers, called me names... One time it almost turned out into a violent fight outside of work...
True, I said how I got myself together in my school years... but, when despite your hard work, you see that someone is taking out on you again, you have the impression that all your efforts were in vain...
First mobbing...
Then my girlfriend who cheated on me... I thought that it couldn't get any worse, but then a memories of bullying from my childhood started to haunt me again... making me believe that it won't get into better this time... not even despite my efforts to prove everyone wrong about me...
It felt disheartening that it went unnoticed.
My success during college, my great work in programming in my workplace, all this was ignored... unnoticed, because everyone just saw me as a complete loser without Magic Ability, reprimanding and tormenting me terribly for it at every step. Even though I stood up for myself, trying to let them see how wrong they were. They had no mercy...
All this made me hit my threshold...
I wanted to escape from it...
I felt that the whole environment was tormenting me and the only solution that would help me was to get rid of myself from this world... to have at least a peace...
But then you appeared... partially disturbing my plans... I said partly because we have an deal that you will kill me. And I want to keep this agreement..."