eclipsed nova (UTM Feysand)

27

Warning: talk of suicide, explicit sexual content

I wanted to know what was going on in his head. He kept his eyes cast to the floor the entire time I'd helped to clean the blood from his skin. I'd never seen him so hollow before, not even on his drunken nights of melancholic thinking. It was like there wasn't a person inside him anymore, just muscles moving a corpse.

I'd found him with a dead body in his lap, sobbing and coated in more blood than I think he realized. He had smeared it across his cheeks when wiping his eyes, it coagulated in the strands of his hair when he ran an anguished hand through the locks. That room- gods, that room was nauseatingly thick with violence. I had no clue what had happened, but I knew that Rhysand was not okay.

It kept me from sleep, brows furrowed in thought as I stared at his bare back as he faced away from me and toward the wall. His breathing was even, but I doubted he was really asleep. I leaned forward, pressing my lips between his shoulder blades tenderly. He sucked in a quick breath, but made no other moves. I kissed across his shoulders next, twisting my head to kiss his neck, too.

His shoulders shook silently, and his jagged breathing let me know that he was crying and trying to hide it from me. I didn't say anything, just snuggled closer to his back, wrapping my arms around his middle and holding him tightly, my eyes squeezed shut and stray tears leaking from the corners at the sound of his pain. I kept kissing his back, hoping any of it was a comfort. I didn't know what else to do.

He was still crying a few minutes later, and I sat up to peer over his arm to see his face. He stared blankly at the wall, empty even now, alone with me. What had she done to him? It was like she'd drained him of everything that made him who he was. It fueled a deep and burning rage inside my stomach, the acidic feeling twisting and turning in my gut. I wanted her dead.

"Rhys, honey," I whispered gently, using my fingers to push the hair off of his forehead. He blinked, but made no move to respond or look at me. Okay, then. At least I knew he was listening. "I am so sorry. I know you're in so much pain right now, and I am so, so sorry. Feel the hurt however you need to. I'm not going anywhere. I will be right beside you, waiting when you're ready to talk about it. I will never leave you alone in this. Nothing she did could ever make me feel differently about you. I know who you are. And if all you can do right now is listen to me, then I want you to really hear me."

I sniffled, trying to keep my own composure as he squeezed his eyes shut at my words, tears falling faster than before. But he needed to hear me. I needed him to hear me. "You are a good man, Rhysand. You put your life at risk to save me before you even knew me. You sacrificed yourself to save as many of your people as you could. You bear the brunt of Amarantha's destruction so that no one else has to. You are a good leader, a good friend, and you have glued me back together more times than I can count by now. Lean on me, please. Let me love you in this. I don't want you to hold it alone."

He turned his body, burying his face in my lap as he wrapped his muscular arms around my middle. My fingers twisted in his hair, massaging his scalp. He nuzzled into me. His skin was so warm against mine. He still didn't speak, and I couldn't really blame him, but he was allowing me to comfort him in the only way he could right now. For that, I was appreciative.

I fell asleep with Rhysand in my lap and my head tipped back to rest against the headboard. Eventually, Rhysand woke up and stretched lazily, sighing as he blinked his violet eyes open to look up at me. The faintest tug on the corner of his mouth let me know he was happy to see me.

He picked up my hand, lacing his fingers through mine.

"Thank you," he said hoarsely, pressing a kiss to the back of my hand. I pulled our hands to my own lips, doing the same to him.