His Tutor

8: Not a Friend

"What do you mean?"

The sound of Ahaan's footsteps stop and I turn around to face him. He slowly approaches me and looks intently at me.

"Have you ever thought about how I felt?"

"I know. I'm sorry I tried to make you date Vamika. It's not her fault though."

"Ishqi, why are you so dense?" Ahaan's arms cross around my waist and across my back, pulling me against his body. My arms fold up and my fists rest and push slightly against his chest to out some space between us. "Have you ever thought how I felt about you?"

I'm speechless and I'm trying to read his expression. I try to find detections of a joke, a tease, but he looks so sincere with his dilated, green orbs for eyes. His eyebrows are knit slightly together, and his lips a bit pursed. With his head head slightly tilted down to compensate for my short height, he waits patiently for a response.

"I can't think about how you feel about me because I have to think about how Vamika feels about you." Tears start rising from my eyes and spilling over my lower lids. I don't know why, but I can't stop them. "I feel like a horrible friend, because I'm supposed to be happy for Vamika when she's with you, but my heart aches. Every time you're around me I tell you go to Vamika, but deep down I want you to stay. Vamika's a great friend to me and I betray her when I'm around you. I make this worse by forcing you into awkward situations with her. I can't have the slightest thought about why you're friends with me because I have to think about Vamika," I say with deep breaths between sentences and a shaky voice.

Ahaan brings his hands or my face and places his index under my chin. He slightly lifts up my face and traces his thumb under my eyes to wipe them dry.

"Ishqi. I wasn't nervous the first time I sat with you because of Vamika. I didn't leave homecoming and go to your house with fries because I was bored and hungry. I didn't go to your house with a motorcycle because I didn't feel like using a car that day. I didn't sit at lunch with you everyday since for no reason. I didn't ask you to wait for me during track practice because I needed you to tutor me afterwards."

There's a pause for an inhale and exhale before Ahaan continues, "I don't see you as a friend. You're more than that to me. I have feelings for you that I don't have for any other person."

I scan Ahaan's eyes in a panic to process his words. Am I understanding him wrong? Am I mistaken? Is he saying what I'm thinking?

My train of thoughts is halted when Ahaan pulls me in closer to him, our toes pointed together and torsos compressed against one another. I can feel his chest rise and sink from deep breaths. The hammers against my chest are back, but I can't tell if they're coming from Ahaan or me. Does Ahaan feel the same hammering I do?

"Tell me you don't feel the same way I do, and I'll stop," Ahaan says while slowing lowering his head towards mine.

My lips slightly open, but nothing come out. Say it, Ishqi. You can't. Think about Vamika. She'll hate you forever. You can't keep having these feelings. I gently bite my lips in fusteration.

Almost as if it was a switch, it's triggers Ahaan's lips toward mine, locking together like two magnets. My mind is blank. My flow of oxygen seems like it stopped, but my heart is beating more wildly than ever. My fingers uncurl from a fist before curling back to clutch onto Ahaan's shirt. His large palms cups one of side of my face to bring it up towards his, while his other arm stays tightly around me. I feel the pull of our lips, but mine are burning to the point of numbness. Time is lost and I can't tell how long until we hesitantly pull apart. Ahaan's hold on me stays and my fists are still stuffed with the fabric of his shirt. We gaze at each other in a blissful silence. The sensation still lingers.