EMOTIONLESS - CHRISTOPHER STURNIOLO

21: fucked up

Jaz's pov

The past few days i havent left my room,havent eaten,didnt do anything.
I miss him so much.
I need to hear his voice. Smell his scent,wear his hoodies,sleep whit him next to me,but hes ignoring me!
We havent seen or neither talked to him in days and its killing me.
you all would think im mad at him, but i get it. i get why he needs time and space and im giving him it. but its so fucking hard and its killing me.
emily keeps telling me that we should talk it out or whatever but if he needs space he gets it.
i dont want anybody to be mad at him or think of him badly because i understand where he is coming from and im giving him time,but i miss him so much.
i sat in the kitchen at the table when bree appeared from her room. she softly smiled before sitting down opposite of me.
"hey dear. how are you feeling?"
"i dont know.." i close my phone and put it down on the table.
"well,if your feeling better you should really go into school tomorrow. you have been missing tests and finals are coming up and yk how important those are for you. okay?"
i softly nod and form my lips into a thin line.
"Yeah, okay. i promise i'ii go to school tmrw,dont worry." she brushed my arms before getting up from the table and walking over to her bag and shuffling something in it
"i know you miss him, darling. it'll be okay." she gives me a forehead kiss before heading for the door. "im out to work,i'ii be back for dinner." she blows me a kiss and i smile before she closes the door behind herself and i hear her car park out of the garage.
I sighed before getting up from the table and go upstairs to get dressed, but my phone stopped me in my tracks when nick's name appeared on my phone.
He probably has no idea whats going on and why he hasnt seen me in days, poor guy

Messages

Mr. Wingman ❤️

Hey girl
How are you? I havent seen you in days.
Idk what happened w you and chris but can we meet up? I miss you.

Ofc nick, come over in a little and i'ii explain everything
I miss you too.

Alrigth ttyl

_____
Irl

I got dressed and nick finally arrived, i ran downstairs to hug him and matt came up behind him too.
They both hugged me super hard,then we all sat down onto our couch and put on a random movie to talk.
"You dont have to talk about it if you dont want to. Im just happy to see you" nick softly smiles and places his hand on my knee. This feels so comforting.
"We..we spent the nigth together. Then that morning i woke up to a note that said that he needs time and space to figure things out,and thats complitely fine. "
"You guys actually-?" Nicks jaw dropped.
"Mhm" i nodded.
"And im not mad at him, but he did hurt me. I miss him so bad. Is he okay?" My eyes anxiously shift between matt and nick. Matt shakes his head and sighs before speaking up.
"Not really. He hasnt left his room and days and i dont think hes eating. Ive told mom to check on him hut he doesnt unravel how he feels."
I take A heavy breath.
"I havent had any contact whit him in days, and Its killing me. I just- i think im inlove whit him."
Both had let out shocked gasps before nick softly smiled in awe.
"Its made me realise how badly i miss him and everything about him. Im really grateful that he didnt want me to get hurt and i mean he is looking out for me.
But fucking hell, i dont know how long i can keep this space between us."
"Oh jas-" nick says but his phone rang,cutting him off. He pick it up and his anxious eyes shift to me.
"What?" I tilt my head.
"Its him its chris."
"Fuck.." i curse under my breath. I bite onto my bottom lip and suck back my words when he goes ahead and picks uo the phone.  He didnt put it onto speaker but we could hear it because the room got complitely quiet.

Call

C
Hey where are you guys?

N
Uhm.. were at jasmine's.

Chris's breathing gets heavy and you can hear him anxiously walking around from the other side of the phone.

C
Is she okay? I miss her.

N
Not really.

C
Please tell me she isnt mad at me. I wouldn't forgive myself

N
No,shes not mad at you. She misses you too.

C
Fuck..

N
We'll be back soon.

C
Alrigth, bye

N
bye

____
Irl

Nick shuts his phone off and puts it away. He opens his arms for me "come here. It'll all be okay. I promise you" he rubs my back while my mind wanders off.
"Do you guys wanna go get icecream?"
"Oh matt. You always know what to say to bring my mood up." We all chuckle and now we were on our way to yogurtland.
When we finished our icecreams and spent some more time together, i dropped them off and were on my way home.
I parked my car and were about to go inside when my phone beeped. I wouldn't care but when chris's name appeared on my screen,i dropped everything else and reached for my phone.
My breathing got heavy and overthinking flooded my brain.

Messages

Chris ❤️

Hey
How are you? Can we talk?

Hey
You know ive been better. I miss you.

I know and im sorry for leaving you like that.
I should have communicated more and told you face to face.
I dont know if your mad at me, but i deserve it.
Ive been in my mind a lot and all ive been thinking about is you, jaz.
I havent been able to get you off my mind, and i cant go another day whitout hearing your voice.
Its killing me, im fucked up,
And im missing you.

You know i havent been able to think if anything else but you. Im not mad at you at all, its just that i cant go back to you acting like nothing happened. I havent seen you in days,chris. You hurt me.
You took my virginity. I gave myself to you.  But We can start talking again, i'ii just need a little bit of space. I wasnt holding on whitout you either

Im so glad you want to talk again. Ive been fearing that you hate me now

I could never hate you,chris
♡

Have you been to school?

Not at all. But im going tomorrow

Me neither. I'ii see you tommorow then?

Holy fuck i cant wait to see you

I know, me neither

___
Irl

I was basically a sloppy, melted mess when i walked back into the house.
Everything that he said, it kept replaying in my head. Fucking hell, i migth not be able to compose myself and just crawl into his lap right then and there and we all know where that ends..

_____
1237 words.
Im sorry that its a small chapter, but since yall were BEGGING me to update i had to feed my children :))