A Heartstopper Fanfic

Chapter 49: "Goodnight mum"

Phone buzzing in his pocket, Charlie knew that it was Tao. So he ignored it, instead getting to his feet and rushing to Mr. Ajayi's room. Like always, he'd spend the rest of the school day there.

(End of flashback, Nick's POV)

Gently, my mom wipes away my tears as we look at each other.

Shitty circumstances aside, it's been way too long since I've seen my mum. I really need her right now.

In fact, looking at her face I can see some wrinkles, and there's some gray hairs framing her face. Signs that she's aging.

I'm glad that I'm here.

Taking a deep breath, I push the thought of losing her one day aside. I have her now, and that's what matters.

"Once the news went haywire I was so desperate to see you." She begins, heating a kettle of water as I take a seat at our kitchen table.

I'd never want you to see me in that state.

Sadly smiling at my mum, I stare at the framed pictures on the walls of younger versions of myself, all beaming with joy. I'd like to go back to that.

"But then..well, Charlie called..."

As my mum went over the past few weeks, I zoned out, instead opting to focus on the happiness that I have stashed away in this house. I collect every bit of it with each good memory that I see in my mind as I stare at photos on walls, and in picture frames.

I don't need to be reminded of what's fresh in my mind...the breakdowns and the many sleepless nights.

When I, the outward image of a person who's seemingly bound too tightly to fall apart, shattered in one go, Charlie got scared. Every rushed breath of mine caused his face to drop in a way that made my stomach churn. I hate seeing him look so helpless.

And the concern. The concern when the moments of anxiety morphed into bursts of anger, he looked at me so goddamn worried that I feared I perhaps was an intruder in my own body.

Worry lines are close to having a permanent spot on that skin between his eyebrows, I'm sure of it.

I hate that thought.

Why can't I accept the same advice that I dish out?

Assume the role that you must accept. Not feeling one hundred percent is okay, let Charlie be who you are to him. A lover, a best friend, and a caretaker.

"Nicky?" My eyes shoot up because apparently, I've been staring at my shoes this whole time. Mum now has that look on her face, the same one as Charlie. Sad eyes— their usual twinkle isn't there— paired with an equally droopy smile.

Her hair is also noticeably shorter. A signature Sarah Nelson haircut. Honestly, I'm surprised that she let it grow out for as long as it did.

Or was it not long for that long? Maybe she chopped it off while I was busy being away from home, playing rugby.

"You disappeared again." She says, through that sad look on her face.

I look at her apologetically, which causes my mum to softly shake her head in disapproval.

You have nothing to apologize for.

Don't I, though?

How could I have missed how long her hair was getting during our weekly FaceTime calls?

How could I have missed the thin strands of graying hair?

And the wrinkles, I missed those too.

How?