Dear Heart | Yoongi

30

"This is so fucking unnecessary, I'm gonna scream." I mutter bitterly, begrudgingly allowing Yoongi to help me up the steps of the front porch Monday evening. He just giggles at my frustration, smile splayed across his lips as he continues to help me with hobbling up the steps.

"You act like you've never been injured before, baby." Yoongi giggles, wrapping an arm around my shoulders once once we've surpassed the stairs. I huff at this, scrunching my nose up at the idea.

"I've been injured plenty before. I've not had to deal with a doctor patching me up like a fucking zombie because of it though. I'm more sore now than I was this morning." I whine, following him into the house. He just smiles over at me, reaching up and ruffling my hair lightly before taking my hand in his once more.

"They're paid good money to make sure you get better, Yoora. It's not a bad thing. Let's just hope it's the last time, yeah?" Yoongi murmurs softly, amusement still lightening his eyes. I just huff again, leaning my head against his arm as we wander into the house.

"Tae, why can't you just let them be happy? You actually managed to keep your damn mouth shut at the press conference, but you've not stop running it around them since. When the hell is it going to end? When are you going to start acting like the person that I met you as? Or was that just some front that you'd been putting up?"

I frown at the frustration and exhaustion in Dohyun's voice, picking my head up as I glance over at Yoongi worriedly. He seems to share my sentiments though, both of us sighing as we carefully make our way into the living room to see what the hell is going on.

"Look, if you can't even be bothered to try and understand me then maybe this was all a mistake to begin with. She doesn't deserve to be happy and Yoongi deserves to be with someone who isn't just a broken mess who never grew up." Tae scoffs, his back facing us as he shakes his head before hanging it. I freeze at all of this, though I know the two of them haven't caught sight of Yoongi and I yet, everyone seeming to though as they look over in our direction. Some of them are over at the dining table, a few sat around the couches, and a couple working to prepare dinner in the kitchen.

"Why does everyone always have to understand you, Taehyung? Why does everyone always have to understand every side of every single story except for my own? I never denied the fact that I'm the reason our mother died, but it's not like I ever meant for it to happen. I was being born, Tae, there was nothing I could've done. Why do I have to pay for that sin my entire life? Why do I have to suffer every waking moment until I die? What is so criminal about me finally wanting to try and be happy for once?"

My brother spins on his heel at the sound of my voice, a tired frown and exhausted glare forming on his face when his eyes land on my form. The sight of weariness pisses me off, but the tiredness that's only grown over this last month and a half at this point prevents the anger from being able to bubble, not bothering to hold back the tears that slowly slip down my cheeks.

"I was an innocent, defenseless child who had no control over what was happening around me. I didn't have a choice to be born, I didn't ask for it, Tae. I'm not a terrible person, I was just an infant. Why? Why have I had to be responsible for everyone else's decisions that have been made that effected me and caused me pain? Why have I had to be responsible for what happened and what's been happening to me? No one has ever apologized for doing the things they've done to me, and I'm not asking for an apology, but, damn it, why am I blamed for how I react to it? Why am I never allowed to just forget the past and move on from it, Taehyung? It's mortifying being the one who remembers it all, suffered through it all. My memory is punishment enough. So why? Why can't anyone be allowed to understand me? Why am I not allowed to be happy?"

The tears are hot against my cool cheeks from the wind that had been gusting outside, my frustration with being all bandaged up from head to toe no longer a thought in my mind. My brother doesn't answer though, just shaking his head at me. I scoff at his lack of answer, letting out a shaky breath as I begin to walk off once more, Yoongi quickly catching me and stopping me once I'm at the mouth of the hallway.