Can I Call Her Mine?

Fever dreams and repressed memories

After the night I'd spent with Jayce and Sofia, I rode back home on autumn, nesting my small kitten in my arms. It was quite a chilly night, though. I didn't really notice until now.

Entering my bedroom, I put on a nightgown and plopped down to the bed, with a mild cough and slightly runny nose.

I brushed it off, seeing I was so tired, and fell asleep.

Huh. I'm dreaming of when I was 16. I determined as I was hiding in the wine cellar with Sofia sitting beside me.

I'd been dumbfounded by the fact she'd gotten a lover, and reality hit. We were both women, and the scandal of a princess and a countess would've been far too great. I drank away my problems at the time.

I was merely a friend.

"Hey." I called out woozily, standing up after slamming an emptied bottom at the ground. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you." Her response was immediate and genuine.

"No, Fia." I flinched. It's been an year since I called her that. "Do you love me the way you'd love a partner?"

I looked at her and dropped on to her lap, my arms on her shoulder. She seemed scared, or rather concerned, but I didn't care.

"Pardon?" She was confused. "You mean romantically?"

I broke out into a frivolous grin. "Yes, romantically." I grabbed her hand. "We could hold hands," wrapped my arms her "we could hug," now I leaned into her, "most of all, we'd kiss."

I leaned in, our lips touched. I'd wrapped my arms around her neck and felt her hand hold on to my waist.

"You're in a drunken state," she looked... guilty? Or disappointed? "If I'm being honest, I don't know. I want you more than anyone, but I can't accept your feelings when I'm unsure. Or when you're not thinking straight."

Time froze. I looked as if I were to throw a tantrum.

"I do love you! It's all I ever think of, so even if for one night, for one second, accept me. Love me. Hold me. I want you, and you alone. Even if just for tonight, kiss me until I lose my breath." I was desperate.

"I want to," She leaned in closer, "But I can't. I can't do this when you aren't thinking rationally." 

"But I..." My vision got hazy, I rested my head on Sofia's shoulder, then I woke up.

I was lying in bed, a wet towel on my forehead and I was burning up. Talia, the caregiver, was sitting at my desk watching over me.

"You're awake, your highness?" She approached me with a cup of tea in her hands

"Yes, I am. Do I've a fever?" I asked trying to sit up straight.

"You do, and quite a bad one I'm afraid. It's better if you lay down right now." She handed the remedy to me. "Please drink this your highness."

I took a sip.

Ah, it was made with meadowsweets. I finished my tea and handed the cup to Talia.

"Also, Lady Sofia has asked to make your company. I told her you were feverish yet that made her insist on visiting. What do you wish, princess?" She asked as she was opening the curtains.

The sunlight seeped through into my room. "Tell her to come." My voice was raspy, I did have a sore throat after all.

"I'm here!" Sofia entered. Right where the beams of sun landed. Her smile radiated more light, though. She looked godly standing there, and then she plopped onto the side of my bed.

"Why do you question to visit if you're going to eavesdrop outside my room after arriving already?" I ask, shaking my head in disapproval.

"It's because, since you were sick I wasn't sure if you'd want me." She mumbled as was blushing a bright red. Even redder than me, and I was sick.

"I could be missing all four limbs and still want to see you more than anything." God, what did I just say?

"Same here!" She was grinning from ear to ear. 

"Well, I'll leave you both alone. Princess, please do call for me if you face any difficulties." Talia left the room.

I sat up next to Sofia, she helped me up, "Are you okay?" she asked, now looking anxious.

"Yes, of course. Why do you seem so worried?" I asked, resting my head on her shoulder "Ah, is this okay? I am sick after all."

"Oh no I don't mind if I get sick, I doubt I will. Also, I'm worried because you're sick, obviously. You know, you used to get serious fevers when we were younger." She laid her head on top of mine.

"I did? I don't really remember." I made eye contact with her, it kind of made my blood rush.

"Well, I do. I'd been so worried for you, I'd much rather it be me getting sick than you." She looked oddly sympathetic, it was in the past, why does it matter so much now?

"No way could I let that happen! Nothing bad can happen to you, you're precious, you know." I wasn't going to let her think so little of herself.

"Haha, if only you got so worked up like that over yourself." She took a lock of my hair and tucked it behind my ear.

"I'm glad I have you." I said what I was thinking.

"What's that all of a sudden?" She was grabbing hold of my hand.

"I said I'm glad to have you. I'm glad you care for me more than I do." I locked our fingers together.

"I'm not glad about that! You should care for yourself." She said, as I was closing my eyes. "Also, you also care about me so much that you have no right to say that."

"Is that so? Then, I'll never stop." I relaxed my head on her shoulder and before I knew it I'd dozed off.