Casey
I don't realize things are getting bad again until I'm on the verge of killing myself.
Why am I like that? Why can't I feel myself slowly slipping away? Maybe then, I'd be able to pull myself out of the hole easier. Maybe then I wouldn't find so much comfort wallowing away.
Maybe I should text someone, but who? Randy? Nah, he's probably high. Russell? Nah, I need to ween myself away from him. Mabel? Nah, she might try kissing me. Camila? Nah, she'll go 'mom mode' on me.
Why do I have no friends? Why did I push everyone away? It's my own damn fault I have no one to talk to when I need people the most. Why did I do this to myself?
I scroll through my socials, mumbling a 'no' under my breath at every person. No one seems cool enough to text. I just need a distraction for a minute or two, that's all. Drawing isn't helping and TV isn't helping; nothing helps.
My finger stops on a name. Westley.
I've only texted him a few times since the Halloween party. I wonder how he's doing. I wonder if he's lost his virginity or not yet. I doubt it since it's only been a week since the event.
Me- Hey!
No, that seems too weird. I sigh, quickly deleting the message. Humming, I try racking my brain for something to send. However, my blank mind doesn't have much creative flow.
Me- Hru?
No, that's too dry.
Me- Hey, how have you been :)
9:03 pm
Will that work? That doesn't seem too bad. Or is it too formal? Should I add emojis? Wait, why am I overthinking a simple text? With an eye roll at myself, I send the text.
I sit and wait. And wait some more. I check the time to discover only a few minutes have passed by. Though, waiting on a text does occupy my mind, so that's a good thing.
Why is it taking him so long? What if I texted about getting kidnapped by pirates? Or cavemen? What if a robber broke in? What if-
A ding interrupts my thoughts.
West- hi! im okay! how are you?
9:07 pm
Oh, he's asking how I am. Do I lie? Do I say I'm spectacular? Maybe I can avoid the question. Why did I text him if I didn't have a conversation planned? Also, why does he text in lowercase letters? What girl taught him that?
Before I can think of a response, Westley sends another text.
West- did you do anything fun for halloween?
9:08pm
I, in fact, did not do anything fun for Halloween. I sat in my room, drank, watched movies, jacked off, and went to bed before 1 a.m. Actually, now that I think of it, I had the greatest Halloween ever.
Me: I just chilled, tbh. You?
9:10pm
Westley began telling me about how he took his younger siblings trick or treating, then hung out with some friends. I made sure to ask questions throughout his story, wanting him to keep the conversation going. I needed this. I needed the distraction. I needed Westley's words to ease the chaos in my mind.
Luckily, it did.
For 10 minutes, I became engulfed in Westley and every word he typed. I read each sentence and mustered up everything in me to seem as interested as I possibly could. I genuinely am interested, but don't have much energy to express that.
