Thy Will, Not Mine

Chapter {40} Destiny

I listened attentively to Thato's words, recognizing the wisdom in her perspective. Yet, within me, a battle raged between my fleshly desires and my spiritual convictions. Thus far, it seemed as though my flesh was winning the struggle, overpowering the voice of my spirit.

"But I want to look good, to feel good, and," I whispered hesitantly, "to impress Nio."

Thato rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I should have known that this whole ordeal was about Antonio. Don't get me wrong, he's a great person, but is he truly worth compromising your morals and standards for?"

Her question gave me pause, forcing me to reflect deeply. Was it wrong of me to prioritize impressing Nio and feeling good about myself?

"Thato, it's just a skirt," I finally responded. "Besides, you wear short outfits too."

Thato sighed wearily. "Fine, if you insist and genuinely feel comfortable, I suppose it's your decision."

I wanted to express my discomfort more explicitly, but I settled for remaining silent, holding my thoughts to myself.

****

"Did I tell you how hot you look today?" Nio asked for the fifth time, yes I was counting. The entire time his eyes were glued to mine and I had to admit that I enjoyed the attention I was receiving from him.

"Nio," I blushed slightly as he complimented my appearance for the fifth time, his eyes locked with mine. I couldn't deny that I was enjoying the attention from him.

"Yes, you did," I replied, adjusting the ends of my skirt. We walked hand-in-hand into Mr. Heywood's classroom. As soon as we entered, some boys whistled at me, their gazes filled with lust. However, a single stern look from Nio made them quickly retreat to their seats. Some girls stared at me enviously, clearly wishing they were in my position. But that was something they could never have.

Being the gentleman that he was, Nio pulled out a chair for me and helped me take a seat, keeping a watchful eye on me.

"Amore, yesterday you said you didn't want to do anything beyond holding hands. You were even hesitant to cuddle with me on the couch while we watched the movie. Why is that?" Nio asked, curiosity evident in his voice.

I should have expected this question to come up. After all, Nio was someone who valued physical affection, and I couldn't provide that to him.

"Nio," I looked into his grey eyes, knowing that his undivided attention was on me. "I believe in waiting for sexual intimacy until after marriage. It's a personal belief of mine, and I limit the amount of physical contact we have because of it."

I watched as his eyes, once fixed on me, wandered around the classroom in apparent perplexity. Even after all these months together, I still struggled to decipher his emotions, as he often kept his feelings guarded. But now, his dull eyes seemed to come alive with a mix of emotions.

"Amore, are you saying that in order for us to take our relationship to that level, we should have been married first?" He asked, taking a deep breath.

I hadn't anticipated that this news would affect him so deeply.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" he questioned, his words carrying a hint of offence or guilt. I didn't know which.

"I thought you knew, Nio. I am a born-again Christian, and you knew that when you entered into a relationship with me, you were accepting my faith and its principles," I explained, feeling the need to defend myself as he regarded me thoughtfully.

"Am I supposed to be a mind-reader, magically knowing your thoughts on this topic? Or was I supposed to play a guessing game to understand your stance?" Nio suddenly burst out, drawing unnecessary attention to us as he questioned my morals and standards.

"So, you're blaming me for having faith? You knew me and my beliefs before you loved me, Nio. I didn't hide anything from you. You knew where I stood on matters of faith, and you knew what you were getting yourself into," I said, abruptly standing up and preparing to leave the classroom.

Even as Mr. Heywoods was about to say something, Nio quickly came up behind me, and his presence seemed to intimidate Mr. Heywoods into silence. He walked back into the classroom without uttering a word.

This gave me the chance to leave, but before I could do so, Nio gently pulled me aside, despite my initial resistance, and pulled me into a loving embrace, his hand soothingly rubbing my back. This was the second time we had hugged, and I cherished every moment of it. His scent of sandalwood and spices enveloped me, instantly dissipating my anger and filling me with a sense of joy.

"I'm sorry for what I said, amore. I wasn't thinking. I will marry you soon, and it will be the most extravagant wedding in the world, I promise," he whispered into my hair.

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind. "How can I become your wife if you haven't even asked me to be your girlfriend?"

He pulled away from our embrace, took my hands in his, and looked me directly in the eyes. "Destiny, would you do me the honour of becoming my girlfriend?"

"Hmm," I pretended to ponder for a moment, relishing in the suspense. He started fidgeting with our hands, clearly anxious for my response.

"Yes, I would like to be your girlfriend," I finally said, and in an instant, he pulled me close, twirling me around as the sound of my laughter filled the hallway.

*****

Romans 12:2  Do not be conformed to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may test and approve what is the will of God – what is good and well-pleasing and perfect.

Was the only verse I read before being lulled into a deep slumber