Thy Will, Not Mine

Chapter {30} Antonio

Luke 10:27

The expert answered, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself."

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My sole focus was on the only woman I could call the most beautiful in the world in my heart but could never dare utter it in front of anyone's face, most especially hers.

She was sitting right at the back and knowing her tardiness, I just knew that she had been late and had to grab the back sets but as usual, she looked stunning from head to toe, her curly hair was let loose from the loose braids it was formerly in and was let out, sitting like a crown adorning her head. Her chocolate brown skin shone brightly like a diamond polished to perfection, her modest dress reached her knees, failing to reveal her hour-glass shape and her honey-brown orbs glistened as she listened to the choir sing, I watched in awe as she closed her eyes, and a tear slid down her cheek, as she opened up her mouth and started speaking in words I knew well enough as tongues, something my mom had and never tried to hide. Her eyes lifted up into the sky as she fell to her knees and continued praying, the tears not ceasing but only increasing. Had I not known better, I would've thought she needed help or was in trouble but the joy that was evident on her face spoke volumes on how she felt.

I decided to listen to the singing after all Avelina had dragged me here, because she had grown affectionate towards the church, so like every other week I came, I hired a translator for Destiny because I knew she could not understand our language and that was why the Marino; the pastor was always speaking and thanking me but it was nothing to make a fuss about.

The singing came to an end, and the church grew silent as some muttered their own 'grazie Gesù' and my focus went back to Destiny who had risen from the floor and was now seated next to her best friend, her eyes zoned onto the podium where Marino stood with the translator, whispering into the ear of the lead singer. This is why I did not trust these churches, they were far too secretive and often had hidden agendas.

I looked towards Avelina who was sitted on my far right-hand side with Giovanni, who was forced to come here after persistent begging and of course, some puppy eyes which she knew would not work on me but after she said she vividly remembered seeing our mother reading her parables from a very big book, I knew she needed to come, just for a mere reminder of our mother.

"Let's bow our heads for the closing prayer," the nerdy translator said, he looked all fidgety, and avoided everyone's gaze as though he wanted nothing to do with this as did I.

One ancient brown piano sat at the forefront of the church, with a classical pianist in a black suit playing a tune so foreign to my ears.

I turned back my attention to Destiny who got on her knees once more, raising her hands high, intricate words falling out of her mouth and to my dismay it seemed everyone was following the same lead, their voices running through the church monotonously, the only person with their eyes still open was Giovanni who sat a distance away from me, looking everywhere with his eyes wide in confusion. Truth being spoken, we did not know the art and importance of prayer, we had grown up without those so why would we start praying today?

As I was about to move to his line of view, something seemed to pull me down with such heavy force, I had to sit still and close my eyes, for a more peaceful atmosphere. What was happening?

I did not utter a word in fear of not knowing what to say but just as I was about to open my eyes, my mother's voice rang through my head.

'Before you ask God for anything, he already knows. So ask away so he can hear it directly from your mouth.' The irony of that statement was that He knew what my mom wanted but instead of answering her relentless prayers, he granted her pain and disheartache, the opposite of what she wanted.