Chapter 32

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I silently watched Tiff and Akira bury the dog in a shallow grave. I was alone with Bellatrix, who stayed calm beside me, letting me absently pet her head as my mind drifted from one thought to another. One question to the next.

Katz sat not far away, looking up at a tree as if he was hoping the answer was there. It wasn't. The loop curse was real and someone had to die to break it. I knew he was thinking I'd choose Mertha. She was a powerful and dangerous burden.

Alistair thought the same. He sat beside me, eyes on Nalani, who dutifully stayed by Mertha's side. "The moment she loses control, we all die."

"We don't know what's going to happen if we kill her," I mumbled.

"I think her Fog or whatever you call it will just close the moment she's dead."

"Mertha and I are just mere visitors of our realms. We don't own them. They'll continue to exist without us."

"Very well. If that's the case, it has to be one of them," he said, nodding toward my apostles.

I didn't say a word. This was already difficult for me, and talking about it was not making it better. Weird, but I wished I was back in the dream with Evensen. With everything that had been going on, talking to him would be a much better comfort.

With a long sigh, I leaned back, hands flat on the cold ground. "Are you worried I'll choose you?"

He chuckled wryly. "And you think I'll allow it?" He stood and looked down at me. "I'm the one gathering your bloody ingredients and keeping the peace here."

My eyes flew to the pile of twigs in the middle of the small field. Everyone avoided—or ignored—its presence as much as they could. Other ingredients surrounded it: a small stone, three dried leaves, a string.

I lay on my back and folded my arm around Bellatrix when she moved and lay beside me. She licked the single tear that rolled down my face. I pulled her closer, shoulders shaking. She snuggled in my warmth. "I know," I choked out. "We'll be alright."

She gave me a piece of a memory from so long ago and I chuckled soundlessly, more tears rolling down the side of my face. I blinked up at the silhouette of the trees above us, wondering what might have happened if the fire didn't happen.

I would have woken up with a terrible headache from the drinking and dancing. I'd be angry with Brie for leaving me. Maybe I'd even hunt down the Evensens for taking her away. I would have lived the rest of my life hating them, including my sister.

Then I started thinking about my plans. I didn't have any. For a young, rich lady, I had very little desires. For a powerful witch, I was definitely already living the dream. There were, however, certain thoughts that passed through my mind now and then. Like hopping on a ship to somewhere for an adventure of my own. Traveling to places and meeting other powerful witches.

Yet here I was, a witch and a vampire trapped in a bloody cursed forest. About to sacrifice for the unknown. It wasn't so different now, was it? In fact, there was a fair chance I would have lived a far more boring life as a traveling witch. I would have gotten myself killed within the first month of my journey.

I thought about Evensen. How his life would have been if he didn't choose to be an Archaic. If he didn't sacrifice his freedom so he could stay in a dream with me and be there when I woke up from it. I had always been a selfish witch and these things shouldn't bother me. Like this sacrifice. But I was bothered. I hadn't lived long enough in the past to know if someone would be selfless enough to sacrifice their life for me. Until now.

As I held Bellatrix in my arms, I closed my eyes and let the tears slip through.

***

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