Ice, steel and shadows -ACOMAF au

Lilith

Feyre sneaked into my room in the middle of the night- she didn't look like a soon-to-be bride. She looked more like she was preparing for a funeral than her wedding.

"Lilith? Are you asleep?" My sister whispered, awkwardly standing by my room's door. I slowly sat up- I had been twisting and turning in my bed for hours, hoping for a reply from Amelia. "No, Feyre, come here." I whispered back, scooting to the side to make space for my sister.

Feyre didn't hesitate before sliding in bed with me. I turned my body to face her- even in the dark, I could see the worry swirling in her eyes. The fear. The doubt. I didn't know much about being in love, but I was almost certain it wasn't supposed to feel that way.

"So...how are you feeling?" I carefully asked, hugging my knees to my chest. "Um...a bit anxious, but I supposed that's to be expected? Ianthe says so, at the very least." I kept myself from grimacing at the mention of that bitch- more signs that we needed to get the hell out of the Spring Court.

"I wrote to Amelia today." I steadily began. "And, um, Feyre, if you don't want to...continue the process of the wedding, or need some time for yourself, to think on it, you don't have to feel guilty. You just have to tell me." Feyre shook her head, her arms wrapped around her middle.

"No, I- I love Tamlin. I couldn't possibly leave him." I bit my lower lip. "Not saying you have to- but wanting to be with him doesn't mean wanting to marry him, not necessarily." Feyre shook her head- almost too quickly, too feverishly. "He needs this union. Our court does too. I can't back down. Not now."

I had been very sure Feyre would feel that way- obliged. Guilty, too. Even though she wasn't voicing it, I had always been good at understanding my sister. Under the Mountain, the torture we both went through, it was all so she could be happy with Tamlin.

But I didn't care for any of it- The Spring Court, the past, I was indifferent to it all. I only cared for my sister. "I don't care about any nation. You're my priority Feyre. I-" I was interrupted by a swift knock on the door, and then something sliding underneath it.

Feyre seemed startled, her body taunt as she stared at the door. "Don't worry." I softly said. "Probably just Alis, dropping off some letter." I got up from bed and quietly retrieved the piece of paper from the floor- I immediately recognised Amelia's handwriting.

"It's Amelia. Feyre, I wrote to her, asking her...if we'd be welcome at the Winter Court for a while." Feyre's eyes widened, and she, once again, shook her head negatively. "No. That would mean- that would certainly mean war. We're- I'm considered Tamlin's, Lilith." I knew she was right. I knew I was being naive and that we'd be hunted if we fled. But I needed for my sister to be happy- at whatever cost.

And getting away from the Spring Court- I needed it too.

But it was Feyre's call in the end, and I knew it.

"I'll do it. I'll marry him. This is just a hard period for all of us, you'll see, things will look up, I promise you." It was more of a promise to herself than me, but I quietly nodded. There was nothing left for me to say.

"I should go now. I need to rest for tomorrow." Feyre murmured, glancing at the door. "Yeah, you should." I murmured, ignoring the doom settling in my chest. Feyre wrapped her arms around me in a quick hug- I savoured it, burying my head in her shoulder. Tears were pricking in my eyes: I didn't know when I had grown so sensitive.

"If you want out tomorrow, even the very last moment, look at me in the eye and I'll know." I promised her, inhaling her scent. "Don't worry about me Lilith. You're the little sister." She laughed bitterly- Feyre had always felt guilty about the sacrifices I had made for our family- for her.