Sinking Deep (GL)

CHAPTER 50

"I...I miss you. I miss you so much..." I cried, gazing down as my tears fell.

"Y-you said you'd come back..." I weakly murmured, tears streaming down my face. "You didn't," I concluded.

"Mama, what's that?"

"Sinigang, gusto mo tikman?"

"Opo."

"Here, say Ahhh!"

"Mhmm, delicious! You're the best cook!"

I smiled bitterly as I reminisced about the memories from 15 years ago. It's been 15 long years, but I wondered if the time felt lengthy because I miss you, or if it's dragging on now because you're not here with me.

“Rhea sinabihan na kita na you should be careful, look at your knees."

"Mama it hurts po."

"Sit down and I'll apply vicks on that area, okay?"

I tightened my grip on my hand, clenching a small container within it.

"Pag masakit ang tummy you should apply this, you got it?"

"Why mama?"

"Because this will help you lessen the pain."

"Does this help me if I ever had headache, stomachache, bodyache, and all types of ache?"

"Of course baby."

"You used to say that putting vicks on a hurt part of the body would heal it... I've tried it so many times now, but the pain never goes away."

"You lied to me. How can this tiny container heal the enormous hole in my heart? Explain it to me..." I murmured. Slowly, I opened it and applied a small amount on my chest, then a bit more, but the pain in my heart didn't wane. I continued until I had almost used up the entire contents, applying it to my chest over the heart area.

"You lied." I retreated, "The pain is still here." I said pointing at my heart.

"I have a patient, a young girl. Her body is fragile and she can't enjoy life not like you."

"Really?"

"Uh-hmm. She loves painting."

"Wow, is she good? Is she good?"

"Yes, marunong siya mag paint ng flowers specially sun flower, she paints lots of it."

"Are you gonna replace me with her, mama?"

"No, baby...no no. You're mama's only princess."

"Then I will start painting from now on!"

"Oh ho ho ho, why's my girl being competitive?"

"I'm just jealous."

"Rhea you're too young to say that, baka madala mo yan paglaki mo."

It was you all along. Fate is really playful.

"Mama, please comeback po..."

"Mama will be back."

"I'll be back."

"You came back. But you never truly returned."

That night, the way you looked at me, your eyes filled with assurance that you will return—I will carry that gaze with me for the entirety of my existence.

"You did cameback, but only in pieces, and those pieces were the reason the girl I loved survived, while you who had been my haven didn't."

I find it impossible to accept the way you died—it's a nightmare etched in my memory.