Finding Home

Chapter Two - Sister

I wake up with a headache. I struggled to sleep last night so I'm feeling a little groggy. I glance at the clock on the wall.

10am.

It's Saturday so I stretch out in my bed and stare at the ceiling.

I don't have a job. I need groceries. My rent is due. I should probably job hunt. Get straight to it. Should I ring my parents and tell them about what happened? I don't really have anyone else to tell. What about my sister? She lives at the other side of the world. What time is it in New Zealand? I feel like I need to talk to someone.

I climb out of bed, shaking my head and running my hands through my hair, I need a plan of action, my mind is too messy. I need paper. Writing it down will help. 

I start with a grocery list. First things first.

Next I work out my rent and utilities bills and check my bank. I suppose being anti-social meant I never spent money on going out but it still didn't leave me a lot in my savings, living here and paying these ridiculously high rents has not been easy. I could get by a week or two. I did have my severance package but how long does it take to get that? And how much will it be? Why didn't I ask yesterday?

I curse myself again for just sitting there. I should've asked more questions. I shake my head again, what's done is done. I can't change it now, I need to sort out what I'm going to do moving forward.

Next item. Should I ring my parents? My sister? 

I decide my sister would be best, she always has the best advice without judgment. She is four years older than me. Only problem is she moved to Wellington in New Zealand two years ago with her, now fiancee, Tom. If it's half 10 here it'll be around half 2 Sunday morning there. I'll have to wait. 

I take a long, hot shower and get dressed. Wanting the grocery shopping out the way I grab my keys  and my list and head for the door.

When I get back I get to work on cleaning the apartment, trying to keep myself busy. The apartment is so small it doesn't take me long, I open my laptop and start looking for jobs, there isn't a lot going. I widen my search, there a few potential places hiring but there are quite far away, it would mean a possibly move. Out of curiosity I do a search for apartments. My jaw drops when I see the rent prices. I feel a little deflated and close my laptop glancing at the clock. It's still too early to call my sister so I decide to grab some lunch and take a walk to clear my head. I'm starting to feel a little defeated and hopeless.

                                                    **************************************************

It's 5pm which means it is 9am Sunday morning in Wellington. The walk didn't help to clear my mind. I ended up just thinking of where I go from here, the city has nothing for me. It never has done but what else is there to do? 

 I pick up the phone, letting it ring a few times before I hear that familiar voice

"Hello"

"Hi Kate" I say

"Annie! Is everything OK?"

"Yeah...yeah... I just wanted to chat with you... you know, check in"

"What happened?" She knows me so well.

"I was fired yesterday. I'm so confused about I how I feel" I hurry out  not meaning to tell her everything but it comes out anyways, "At first it was a bit of a relief, I hate it there but now I just feel scared. I have bills to pay. It's so expensive here, my savings are going to disappear very quickly, they are practically non-existent and I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life now.."

"OK, OK, just breathe" she was always so good and calming me. I do as she says and try to steady my breathing. "Now, I don't have a lot of time, I'll be heading out to brunch with the girls soon" Kate says, she is the total opposite to me. Always good at mingling and putting herself out there. She makes friends so easily while I find the idea of meeting anyone I don't know daunting and usually avoid it. 

"So I am going to cut the shit and tell you what I think" she continues not leaving me space to interject "You've always hated the city Annie. Always. I know you've struggled meeting new people and being far away from our parents. It's hard, I get it. You over pay for that tiny apartment. You have been stuck in a rut for a while now. This could be your opportunity to get out"

"You mean a new job? A new apartment? Because I was looking around this morning and..." 

"No Annie, I mean get out of the city. Get out of that apartment. Get out of that life"

"Kate... where am I supposed to go?" I had already thought of this, but it seems like it doens't matter where I go, it will be the same. 

"Home"

"Really?" I can't believe she is suggesting I head back to my hometown

"Yes. It'll be good for you. You've never enjoyed the city. You tried. But even if you get another job and move to a new apartment, do think that will really change anything? You're still not going to be happy there. You moved there out of necessity,  but you don't need to be there anymore"

"I.... I don't know.... Does that not make me a failure? Going back to Mom and Dad with my tail between my legs?"

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of! You are not a failure. You moved out there. You did what most people don't have the courage to do and you did it under very different circumstances. It just didn't work out. You can't be happy there Annie. I know you"

She's right. What will another job achieve? Won't I be stuck in the same routine? What will another apartment achieve? If I don't get out now maybe I never will, I'll be stuck on this hamster wheel forever.

"Think about it" Kate says after taking in a moment of my silence. "Just don't think too long on it, you're pissing money away on rent for that tiny apartment"

I let out a small laugh.

"I have to go Annie. Sorry if I sound too blunt but you know me...."

"I do, you're all about the tough love"

"I just want what's best for you and you've never been happy since you moved there. I hear it in your voice every time we talk. It's like you've lost your spark. Moving home doesn't have to be permanent if you don't want it to be. Think of it as a breather"

"I'll think about it" I nod taking in all of her advice.

"Good. Let me know what you decide. I really have to get going. Speak to you soon. Love you"

"Love you too" I say and the line goes dead.

Is she right? Do I need a breather? A reset? It's been so long since I was home but looking around, she is right, there is nothing keeping me here. 

No job, no friends, no boyfriend and no hope of any of that happening any time soon. 

I don't really have a lot of possessions as there was never enough room in this tiny place to put anything. It came furnished so none of this is really mine and I will run out of money quickly here. If I'm honest with myself I'm so lonely here. So unhappy. I always have been. 

I think over Kate's words. Have I lost my spark? When Roger fired me I just took it and walked out. That's not who I used to be. I used to confident, full of life. Of course, that was before college. Before....him. 

Suddenly I feel incredibly home sick. I should sleep on it. Not make any hurried decisions. I get snuggled on my bed and grab a book but I can't take any of it in so I pick up my phone and dial.

"Annie, honey, it's been so long since we've heard from you, how are you?" My Moms comforting voice instantly soothes me, I don't know why but tears start to fall down my cheeks.

"I think I want to come home, Mom"