Big Little Secret

Chapter 10

10. Face Off

You met with Mikasa at a small cafe just across the street, it was cozy and definitely a good place to have a private conversation, even if that meant having your friendship probably ruined. "Hey, thank you for meeting with me." You sat at the table, right in front of Mikasa who smiled softly.

"Of course, you sounded a bit upset." She commented. "By the way, I already ordered our usuals, is it ok?"

"Yeah, that's perfect." Your voice was shaking and you could feel your palms sweating so much. How could you approach the topic without risking a whole scene like the one you had with Jean? "So... I kind of have something to tell you." You admitted then avoided eye contact.

The girl frowned preoccupied. "Sure, what is it?"

It hurt, the words were stuck right in the middle of your throat and you didn't know how to get them out. You knew it was going to hurt a lot, she had only eyes for Eren and you had been selfish enough to take him away, or at least any chance she had with him. "I..." you started nervously. C'mon Y/n, it's either this or Jean telling her and he's not gonna be so gentle about it. You knew that but it was so damn difficult. "I talked to my parents about dropping out." You blurted out.

Mikasa remained silent for a moment and then frowned. "Where is this coming from? I thought you wanted to finish college?"

"I did, I really did but let's face it, it's not for me. Studying is hard and I'm not motivated nor into it anymore, I'd rather get a job and start doing something I actually like and my parents have always been against it. So I called them this morning and explained my motives and they told me to think about it very carefully but they'll try to support me." You forced a smile. That wasn't the truth you had to tell her, but it was still something. Besides, that was something really important to you.

She nodded understanding. "I get it, you still have a few years in front of you and if those feel too much, you can definitely find something else. Still, you're throwing away everything you've done till now, your hard work and late assignments, is it really worth it?" Her words touched you, you had never thought about it that way.

Dropping out meant that you had failed and those two years of sacrifice were for nothing. It felt sad, but at the same time, you couldn't imagine going on in the future like that. Why was it so difficult for you to find your way? The people around you seemed to get it right every time, maybe you were overthinking about it too much.

You shook your head trying to get rid of those thoughts, that wasn't the right moment to analyze your life choices, you still had a bigger issue at hand. How you wished you could've just explained the situation and closed it at that, any other friend would've judged you a little and then forgotten about it, but Mikasa wasn't like that.

"You're right, I still need to think about it." You muttered as your drinks arrived, you took a sip of your coffee and looked at the girl sitting in front of you. She was so calm, as usual, sometimes you wondered how would've felt to be her for a day. Mikasa seemed like the perfect girl without a single worry in her life, she had a great family, and amazing grades, and she was beautiful and smart, not to mention the fact that she was one of the strongest girls you knew. She was your opposite, you were a total mess and there was nothing you could do about that.

"If you need to talk about it I'm always here, it would suck to see my best friend drop out." She said with a saddened expression.

"But we'd keep in contact, right?" You asked hopefully.

She giggled. "That's for sure, how could you go on without me?"

That comment kind of made you feel like crap. It was true that you relied a lot on her, but to say it like that, you felt like a little kid. You faked a small laugh and looked down at the table, so what now? "I'm not sure." You whispered to yourself.