Crumbling Walls | Erwin Smith x Reader 18+

Chapter 3

No Commander of Mine

A week had passed since your encounter with commander Erwin that night. The days rushed by as quick as a gust of wind and you found yourself, along your comrades, already getting ready to train for the ODM gears.

At last!

A mix of dismay and excitement was knotting inside your chest each time someone brings this up. Because now there's no going back. Now, you're a few steps away to become an official Survey member. Now, your own life doesn't belong to you anymore, but to him. Your commander.

Ever since that night, and those short moments you experienced with him, your mind couldn't settle down. A mayhem was bustling inside the bones of your skull and you couldn't stop it. All your teenage years, ever since that day he brought your brother's body back, you thought of him as nothing but a heartless, arrogant, half murderer. Disregarded the souls of those serving under him so carelessly and easily, to protect the humanity he was so keen on freeing. To give them a chance to live outside of these damn walls.

But yet, yet... he remembered. He remembered you, and he remembered your brother. And you weren't ready for this shift in you, this change of how you wanted to view him. It was too late, you were already brimmed to the rim with hatred, with that need for revenge. You can't just forget about it, erase it all away just because he remembered! That's not right, so, so not right!

It's too late!

"Y/N!" A hushed whisper pulls you out of your thoughts and you glance sideways, to where Connie is sitting a few chairs away from you. Captain Hange is still at the front of the class, where they're giving you all a lecture instead of this morning's training.

"So?" Connie whispers again, impatient.

You frown and whisper back. "What?"

He huffs, glances one more time towards Hange, then back at you. "We just agreed on heading for the armories this afternoon. To get our hands on some of the gears there before the training this evening. You in?"

You keep staring at him, still processing his words. Then you shake your head in confusion. "Why the fuck would I want to do that?"

Connie shrugs. "Alright, suit yourself." Slightly lifting his hands up. "Just don't come at me when you make a fool out of yourself out there!"

"Oh, I won't!" You tug your mouth in a rude smile. "You just focus on finding the right size for your little..."

"What's going on back there?" Hange snaps, their voice echoing through the silent hall and suddenly, everyone's head turns in your direction. Their eyes land on you and Connie tilted towards one another.

You hear him cuss at you under his breath then he draws himself back. You manage to clear your throat and say. "Nothing, captain."

Your cheeks heat up and your face breaks a sweat in what feels like a deja vu scene. Where you're the center of all the eyes again. Same as last week. You avert your gaze down and keeps it locked on your hands over the desk in front of you. Your fingers pressed against one another.

Hange dismisses this moment and goes back to discussing today's training. They needed to finish with the theoretical steps and measurements of the ODM gears before the actual training starts. But then again, you find yourself sucked inside your thoughts. And the whole lecture goes by in a blur and before you know it, captain Hange is dismissing the class and your comrades are rushing to get out.