Crumbling Walls | Erwin Smith x Reader 18+

Prologue

All your life, ever since you were born, you lived between walls. Caged from all sides, like a hopeless and wingless bird. Looking up at the skies, letting your eyes wander further, and further, to some places you've never been to, never seen before. Let your mind make up the rest, trying to form something out of nothing, to imagine what it was like out there, behind those tall, hard slaps of stone on every side.

You hated it, your life, the titans, the people. And most importantly, you hated the king. And everything that was connected to his reign. Most specifically, you hated those soulless, heartless forces he keeps under his command. One of them formally known as, the Survey Corps. You loathed them, because every time they do one of their missions, pointless missions, they come back carrying bad news more than good. Along the dead, torn and squashed bodies they drag back to their families.

Heartless...

But, the one you couldn't stand the most, and blamed most if not all of the time, was that overweening, proud commander of that force. That Erwin Smith you couldn't bear to even look at his face sometimes, because you wouldn't be sure if you could control yourself not to slash a blade right into his throat. The same way he returned, one day, with your brother's body. Slashed from the shoulder to the hip by a Survey blade. Because he was being eaten by a titan, and the only way to bring him back was to cut through, make him bleed to death even faster than to be eaten alive.

That day, you knelt down next to that cold, lifeless body. Blood of your blood, dripping and seeping into the ground underneath you. Not a single tear had been shed from your eyes, as they kept staring at the glassy, grey ones staring back at you. He was there, Erwin. He was bowing his head to you, and the rest of the district folks all around you. His voice, so deep and emotionless, rang through your ears, as he said. "You have my deepest condolences..."

The rest bowed with him, you didn't look at them. You kept looking at your brother. Everyone thought you were in shock, still processing the death of the only family member you had left in this world.

But that wasn't true...

Deep down, inside your soul, you were making an oath to that dead body. As you leaned forward, tilting your head up to look at the man standing over you. His blonde hair swept back by the wind, his piercing blue eyes glinting under that afternoon sun. You vowed, that you would avenge it. That you would make it your sole life purpose, to draw a blade right through that man's chest. The same way he did to your only family.

I promise, as long as my heart beats, my lungs breathe,I promise. I. Will. Kill. Him.

And so, after three years of living on scraps, losing your only family and having no other choice. Or at least that's the miserable story you've been telling. You found yourself, willingly, signing your name over the list of many other kids' names to be accepted and trained as a member of the force you loathed with all your heart. Under the command of the man you made an oath to hunt down and kill.

You didn't have any other choice, that's what you kept telling yourself. Either die on the streets, starving, or die fighting a brainless titan, being honored as a fallen comrade, a fighter, while seeking your purpose and avenging your brother's death.

That's what you thought, what you had practically envisioned in your head the day you set foot in those barracks. But what you didn't see coming, what you never thought of happening, was the flame that very place had ignited in you. What deep lust, vicious desires it had brought on you, or more like awakened, when the days started slipping, passing, and time flew as easy as water between your fingers. And another three years of training had gone just like that, and you're here now, with your so-called family of comrades, and a void so deep inside your chest, that just kept on growing each day ever since you finished your nineteenth year living and fighting between these damn walls.

Alone, filled with so much rage and hatred, yet still so, so empty...