Just Strangers [SeongJoong]

005

Hongjoong

I heard a knock at the front door and honestly, there was only one possibility of who it could be. 

There was only one person who cared enough to come over, even if it was for his own needs. 

I opened the door, seeing San standing there looking like he was a second away from having a mental breakdown. It had been a while since I've seen him like this. I used to deal with it all the time but whatever I did to help worked because eventually, he just stopped showing up for that reason. 

"Come on." I said, stepping to the side to let him in. He didn't have to tell me what was wrong because I didn't care, I just cared that he wasn't doing okay. We went inside the kitchen and despite how long it had been, it was still habit to go straight to my freezer and pull out an ice cube.

I walked back over to him and gently tapped on his chin for permission and he complied, opening his mouth for me. I popped the ice cube inside and pushed his jaw up to shut his mouth. He winced slightly from the coldness but the shaking of his body slowly died down. 

I didn't know where I learned it from. 

When we were teenagers, I used to buy him slushies or milkshakes. Anything cold to jar his mind and keep it off whatever was causing the meltdown. When we got older, it changed to ice cubes because who didn't have ice cubes? 

Well...I didn't for a long portion of my life. But he grew up with a better off family, at least financially so he did have ice cubes. It wasn't that he couldn't do it himself. He could easily go and buy a milkshake or go home and rummage through his freezer, but instead he would come here. 

"Do you really need to come over for an ice cube?" I asked, teasingly. 

Even when we grew up and I became cold and distant as my disorder became more evident and affected me more thoroughly, I always had a soft spot for San. I've known him the longest and so no matter how empty I felt inside, I cared about him and I wanted to take care of him. 

Which was clear with how much I was struggling to not show physical affection to him. I hated affection. I really did. I never grew up with any of it and by the time I finally had someone in my life willing to show any, it had been too late. It still didn't stop me from aching to hold him. But I wouldn't because I'd never given into that feeling. Not in the way I truly wanted to. 

"I'm sorry for bothering you." His voice came out quiet, and it trembled just slightly. 

"I always have time for you." I said, which was true. I knew I wasn't a good friend and I knew I wasn't the type of person someone so gentle should be around, but I still wanted to show him in whatever way I could that I did care him his needs and worries. "What do you want, Sannie?" 

"Nothing I can get from you." He said bluntly. 

I couldn't help but be a little shocked by his boldness. He really had grown up and started being stronger in what he wanted. 

I felt a weird sense of pride. 

I wasn't too happy about the idea of him getting over me and leaving me behind once he had enough, but I wanted him to be happy just the same. I could get over being abandoned if he had that.