You Don't Know What I'd Do For You (Love you like oxygen)

twenty-nine

I spun around suddenly at the quiet knock from behind me, having been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't heard anyone coming. To my even greater surprise, Elijah was the one standing uncertainly in the open doorway, eyes cast downward and demeanour betraying that he was not quite recovered from his injuries, the pain shining through on his features as much as he tried to stamp it out. "'Lijah-" I sputtered out, still shocked that he was standing in front of me, "what are you doing up?"

"I thought I should come and see you," he replied quietly, stepping into the room and going to sit on one of the plush couches that decorated the extravagant art room, "how are you holding up?"

It broke something suddenly fragile deep inside me, knowing that he thought everything would remain the same, that even after seeing for myself everything that he had gone through, everything that I had done to him, he thought that I still would never change. But, maybe that was it, that was what he had learned a long time ago, that I had taught him, that I never changed, that I never got better, that I was hopeless to save, that my redemption was impossible. It just hadn't seemed like he would ever actually believe it. But, maybe, in the end, it had become impossible to ignore, maybe there were only so many times that he could throw away all reason to keep me in check again. Maybe somewhere along the way, it had stopped being about saving me, and instead had turned into him saving everybody else from me. Everybody but himself. Because Elijah never saved himself, if he made it out of the fire, it would only ever be because everyone else had already been evacuated. So of course he was only focused on me right now, his own health and safety completely forgotten in favour of what he saw as his eternal struggle, the battle that he would never win, but also couldn't lose, a well-worn path that never changed even as he travelled it for centuries on end.

"You shouldn't be worried about me right now, Elijah," I sighed, coming over to sit on the opposite end of the sofa from him.

"Humour me, brother," he returned, smiling softly as he looked over at me.

I huffed out a chuckle but decided to go along with it, "I've been better," I admitted, leaning back against the cushions, idly fiddling with my daylight ring.

"Yeah, me too," he sighed, I could tell he had meant it to be light-hearted, but the statement was a heavy one, and he looked tense.

We sat together in silence for a moment, until I was so anxious that I couldn't stand it for a second longer. My mouth felt dry as the words rushed out, "I'm so sorry, Elijah, it wasn't your fault- I just- I don't- I'm so sorry," I stuttered out, dropping my head into my hands as I took a shaky breath, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill forward as I was once more plagued by the awful memories.

The only response was his hand reaching out to rest on my arm, giving me quiet and silent strength. Almost on instinct, I turned and leaned into his embrace, letting myself be guided towards him. It felt so familiar, like coming back home after a long time away, because home was wherever Elijah was. Safety, warmth, love, belonging, all resided in his arms, they lingered in his scent, and they were ever-present whenever his eyes found mine. My arms wrapped around his ribs and I settled my chin on his shoulder, closing my eyes and relaxing for the first time in days as he pulled me against him, placing a steady, comforting hand on the back of my neck.

We stayed together like that for a long while, locked tightly in each other's arms, neither one willing to let the other go, scared that they would slip away. I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving, even if it was just to go back down the hall to his own room, I couldn't stand the idea of being separated from him again. The whole rest of the world could have vanished and I wouldn't have cared, nothing else was spared a second of my time. The only thing that mattered was this moment, Elijah's heart singing to the chorus of mine, his brown eyes that held the whole universe and all the moons and stars in between.

He wasn't my father, but he picked up everywhere that Esther and Mikael left off, went above and beyond for all the aspects that they lacked, loved me and held me like in another world we might have called him "Dad". It was an odd thought, but odd in the way that it was both impossible to imagine and at the same time not very far off to think of Elijah that way. In reality, it had been more like being raised without a father entirely, instead with an older brother as a substitute, I had never confused the two. But still, Elijah was everything that a father was supposed to be, everything that I had hoped for a long time that Mikael would some day become, everything that I hoped to one day be for Hope.

"I won't say that it's alright, Niklaus," he whispered, I nodded into his shoulder, not trusting my voice as tears began to slip down my face and my throat choked up, "but I do want you to know that I forgive those actions, and I will always be here to keep you steady. Always and forever."

I breathed in a shuddering breath of relief, my mouth opening to empty air because words could never have been enough to thank him. But I knew that he understood, that I didn't need to explain it to him, after all, he was the same. All of the love that he held for us, all that he had gone through for us, that he would burn the whole world down to get to any one of us if we needed it, all of those things that were bigger than himself, so heavy that he almost couldn't fathom them, were all of the things that he could only ever express in those three words. Always and forever.

He hadn't been more than 7, but he had been the one to make sure that I never went to bed hungry. He wasn't a parent, but he had been the one that had helped Kol take his first steps. He had never gotten credit, but he had been the one that had carefully brushed and braided Rebekah's hair every morning. It shouldn't have ever been up to him, but he had been the one that had rocked Henrik to sleep night after night until Esther eventually remembered to be a mother. He shouldn't have been, but he had been all the same.

But I knew that in the wake of that neglect, abuse, labour, and injustice, Elijah also found duty, and belonging, and comfort in the knowledge that we had grown up loved because he had grown up too fast. I knew the pain that lay behind those deep, brown eyes, I knew how he hid behind masks of elegant speeches and fine silk and perfect suits, but I also knew that he loved us, loved us like the moon loved all of her stars, like the birds loved the morning sun, and like the rivers loved the rain. I knew that that love was the light at the end of his tunnel, the prosperity through all of his struggle, his beautiful trauma.

*A/N* I hope everyone is having a good week, and if not I hope this update brightened it up a bit. Honestly, they should've hired me as a writer for this show, I'm giving the people what they want dammit. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed, let me know about any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes if you find them. There are 6 guaranteed more chapters for this book, I would love to know if you had any requests for which pairing I should do next, I was thinking Elijah and Kol, I want to save Freya for later but other than that I don't have a really secure plan for the Marcel or Hayley pairings so let me know your thoughts. I will be counting votes, I'm holding a poll, calling for order in the court y'all, these are important decisions. Also, another question, what do we think about an Elijah and the Beast chapter pairing? Like, I think it has the potential to be really good, you know, lots of metaphorical, philosophical trauma stuff woooo, but, like, also I don't have any ideas for it and I don't really know how I would do that so let me know if you have any thoughts on that as well and if you have any ideas for it, they are much appreciated. Thank you so much for reading, I will see you all again next week with the results the comments bring me.

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