A Hound in the Woods

Mother

I will love you for the rest of my life and you will not be here for any of it.

The changes in Roc had been subtle at first. His once black fur was now shaggy and dusted with white. His once bright eyes had grown dull and milky. Instead of being a bouncing, barking dog, he struggled to find food for himself and had begun to lose weight. Angharad had begun to provide food for him like she did when he was a puppy.

One afternoon, Angharad had finished churning butter and was about to go outside to clean the churn. Roc stayed in his bed. He usually followed her outside to lay in the sun and keep a watchful eye on her while she did her work.

"Come, Roc," Angharad called. Roc remained on his bed by the hearth. "Roc," Angharad called a bit louder. Still Roc laid in his bed. Angharad went to wake her faithful shadow, but he was cold. Rocs head lolled to the side. He was gone.

Angharad cried out, sobs shook her entire body. Sandor heard her cries from the woodshed. He rushed to the cottage to see what was the matter. Angharad knelt on the floor, weeping and holding Roc's head on her lap. Sandor's heart fell, he knew this day would haunt their home sooner rather than later and he knew that he couldn't prepare for it. 

Sandor came up behind Angharad and knelt beside her. She threw herself into his chest and clung to his shirt. He let her cry and waited for her to grow quiet. Sandor pulled her up and scooped Roc's body up into his arms. He cradled the dog so he looked as if he was just sleeping, as to not disturb Angharad. Sandor walked to the far edge of the field, followed by Angharad.

She sat in the grass holding her old friend one last time before she had to say goodbye forever. Sandor dug a hole in silence. He plunged the spade of the shovel into the ground and waited patiently. Angharad sniffled and looked up to him. "Are you ready?" he asked.

She nodded. Sandor picked up Roc and placed him gently in the grave. He was surprised to hear Angharad speak. "My love for you will not end because you are gone. I will carry you with me for all of my days." her voice was so fragile. Sandor covered the grave with dirt, then stacked flat stones over the soft earth.

Angharad just stood, silently. Her eyes were red and tears stained her cheeks. They flowed from her eyes like an unending river, dripping from her chin and soaking her shirt. Her companion for over half of her life was gone. She would never see him again. She would never hear Roc bark at the sign of someone approaching the cottage. He would never lay on her cold feet as she sat sewing at night. He would never jump up to greet her when she returned from the settlement. Never again would he lick her face to wake her from a bad dream.

Sandor took Angharad's hand and led her back to the cottage. He helped her into the bed and tucked the blankets up around her. He was lost as to what to do. How could he console her? It was like all of the life had been drained from her. Like it was buried in the ground with Roc. "I'll return early to make us dinner. Just rest, annwyl,*"

Sandor returned to the woodshed to work on making the roof water tight. Movement on the horizon caught his eye. Someone was coming down the trail toward their home. Sandor climbed down the ladder and met the person on the trail. It was Ray.

"I heard crying, and thought I should check in," Ray said.

"It's Roc," Sandor simply replied.

Ray drew his lips into a tight line and nodded his head. He had also known that the time for Roc to ascend to the heavens was drawing near. 

"Will you speak with her?" Sandor asked.

"Of course I will, my friend," Ray walked with Sandor down the path. "Unfortunately, this is not the first time I will be speaking with her after the death of a loved one. That's how we met, actually."

Sandor looked at the old Septon, confused.

"You didn't think she sprouted out of the ground one day and just lived here on her own did you?"

Sandor scoffed. That was a stupid thing to think, of course he didn't think that. He didn't know what her story was, how she had come to be out here all alone. That was selfishness on his part.

"Just about three years ago I was traveling this countryside in search of a place for a settlement. I had just finished surveying the landscape when a wretched cry echoed over the woods. I nearly shit myself, I had heard tales of forest spirits that would snatch a man off his horse and devour him whole. But what I heard wasn't a spirit. Against my better judgement, I went into the woods toward the sound. Imagine my surprise when I find Angharad  with a broken shovel lying beside her and the body of her father wrapped in linens next to her.

"She was trying to bury him by herself. She was alone, except for that dog, and was putting the last person she loved into the ground." Ray paused to let Sandor take in all of the information he was sharing. "She had lost her mother a few years before that in the last winter, leaving her with only Roc to keep her company. When I returned to the Quiet Isle, I insisted to the brothers that we settle where we did because I couldn't stand the thought of her being out here alone. I needed to be able to keep an eye on her and make sure she wasn't alone for the rest of her life."

Sandor stayed silent the rest of the walk back to the cottage. He let Ray in first and lingered by the medicine counter. Ray pulled a chair to the edge of the bed to talk to Angharad.

"I am so sorry, my dear," Ray placed a hand on her shoulder. "If you don't mind, I'd like to share some wisdom with you." Angharad nodded, and Ray continued, "Roc has been with you for a very long time. It is the sad inevitability that we all must face. I think that the Mother guided Roc to her heaven because she had need of him. There was a young girl in her heaven without a mother and a father. A girl that needed a loyal and loving companion to keep watch over her. It may seem like it was too soon for him to go, but Roc held on past his years. He stayed with you until you had a worthy companion to take his place,"

Ray gestured for Sandor to join them. Ray stood and gave his seat to Sandor, who took Angharad's hands in his and kissed her fingers. "Those we love don't really go away. They walk beside us every day. Unseen and unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed, and very dear."

Angharad was still filled with grief but Ray's wise and gentle words softened its edges. Angharad sat up and reached up to Ray. She took his hand firmly and whispered, "Thank you Ray."

Ray smiled and squeezed her hand. "I'll come back soon to check on you, but I need to get back to the settlement. We have a lot of work to do before the winter," he left Sandor and Angharad in the cottage and returned to the settlement, confident that Sandor would do the right thing for Angharad.

* pronounced ahn-will              meaning dear or darling

** yo, this was a hard part to write. I love animals and I had to put myself into the headspace of what I would miss if my dog were to die. It really messed me up for a minute, hopefully she will be with me for many years to come. whew!