Buddie one shots

Hope the skin heals where the pain enters.

TW.

Sh

.. yeah maybe I'm depressed. Let me be sad on main ok ?

.sorry
.

There's something so numbing about when you're supposed to be happy. When everything is good at the moment, you should smile, you should be okay with your life. But it doesn't work. That there's something nagging in the back of your head telling you it'll never be okay, that it's getting bad again.

Buck knew this feeling all too well. It always got bad again after Halloween, it was his favorite holiday and then the rest of the year until the sun came back out was hell. Now living in Los Angeles, the depression hit bad still, it just didn't seem to always be because of the winter. The winters here weren't like they were in Pennsylvania. They don't get snow, it hardly gets cold enough anymore. It should make his depression better right? More sun and fewer dark days... if only.

It's only September, mid-September at that, he and Natalia broke up less than a week ago. Eddie was busy with his new girlfriend and Chris... Bobby and Athena were on their cruise. Chim and Maddie had Jee-Yun and we're just starting to piece their relationship together again. Karen and Hen were happy together and had Denny and the foster kids to worry about. Even Ravi had his family he was visiting and now Evan Buckley sat alone in his empty apartment... again. Just like he always ends up doing. It was so quiet, that a lot of people yearned for it. After a loud crazy day, or having their kids bother them all day, they'd love to have this quiet.

For Buck, it was more like a numbing sensation that he couldn't stand. He didn't have the energy to watch TV, his phone just reminded him of how lonely he was. No one texted him to see how he was doing, no one reached out to him to make plans. It was always him doing the reaching out. If he wanted social interaction he'd have to be the one to extend his arm out.

He finally glanced at his phone. 7:20 pm. How long had he been lying there? It feels like an hour ago he got off work at 4 pm. He sighed at the annoying thoughts in his head. Maybe Eddie and Chris would like to go see a movie tonight... anything to get his mind off things.

'Hey you and Chris want to go to a movie or get dinner... I'll pay :)'

Eddie's reply came fast but it stabbed him into the gut more.

'Busy. Marisol and I are out. Sorry'

He nodded to himself, locking his phone screen and laying his head back down. That's right, it's fine... he's busy he doesn't care, he never wanted to be with you.....

Finally, close to ten-thirty his head started to hurt. He swore he could hear the sound of air molecules splitting. The silence was painful to his head, He dry swallowed realizing he needed water. He's not been eating much lately but is also dehydrated as all hell.

He pulled himself up out of bed and got a glass of water, gripping the sides of the glass tightly as if his whole world was slipping away. He just spaced out looking at the tiles in his kitchen. The only sound was now his water dispenser gurgling and at this point, he was grateful for that.

'Do it'

'You're exhausting'

'We all have our own problems'

'Do it'

'No one cares, they all left you'

"No... we are past that, he doesn't think that" Buck finally spoke out loud

It's been years since that. They'd gotten over the lawsuit... Eddie was just upset with him? He didn't.. think.. he was exhausting.

'You deserve it'