Bitter (wlw) (teacherxstudent)

seventy-nine

"Slow down, El. Don't even say that. You know whatever your parents say about you is complete bullshit, right?" she interrupted me.

"It's so easy for you and Sam to keep saying that. You don't get it. You both grew up with supportive parents who love you and accept you for who you are. You will never get the feeling" I said, annoyed at hearing that once again.

"Okay, we might not get it, but we know you well enough to say you're an amazing person. And how did that even lead you to break up with her?"

"I'm the opposite of an amazing person if anything" I sighed. "And I told her about the rent, she said I could come live with her and I started to spiral really bad because I don't want her to have to deal with me all the time. I realized that I'd eventually end up hurting her if we stayed together, and I want to avoid that. So I basically ran away and I'm back home now, because I know she would have just told me the same shit you're telling me if I'd stayed"

"Oh, Ellie" she said, sadness in her voice. "I don't know what to say to convince you, but I promise you wouldn't end up hurting her. You both make each other really happy, I can tell"

"Because she hasn't been with me long enough to realize how difficult it is to be with me. I'd just end up ruining her life"

"Don't say that. Don't you think I would have realized you're this horrible person you claim to be by now? All I know is you're a kind, strong, caring and funny person. And anyone who has you in their life is lucky, honestly"

"That's not true. I'm a fucked up person with crippling anxiety and trust issues. No one deserves someone like that"

"You can't let your anxiety define you like that, El. I'm quite sure no one's expecting you to be a perfect person with no issues. Everyone has their own personal stuff going on. Sam has her own problems too, I'm sure. You wouldn't be saying the same stuff you're saying about yourself about her, would you?"

"No, but that's different. Trust me, I'm better off alone for her mental well-being's sake"

"It's not different. And why the hell are you home? That's only gonna make you feel worse"

"If I stayed in New York I would have felt worse about Sam. And my parents are literally ignoring me anyway, so it's as if I'm alone"

"I'm coming tomorrow"

"What?" I asked, surprised.

"You heard me"

"But you just went back to Boston. You can't just come back here"

"I can, though. I am not letting you stay there all alone"

"Nothing's gonna change if you come here, Vic" I sighed.

"Well, I'm coming anyway" she said.

I was too tired to fight her back, so I just let her do whatever she wanted. I was fairly convinced she was just telling me that so I'd react to the situation, but I was not intending to do anything if not spend the rest of the day exactly like the previous ones.

But it turned out she actually meant what she said, because I heard knocks on my door the following morning, and no one had tried to come in since I'd first arrived.

"Door's open" I just mumbled, my face buried in my pillow.

"Oh my god" I suddenly heard Vic's voice as the door opened.

And I also suddenly remembered the state my room was in. The bed sheets were tangled and all over the place, used tissues were spread on the mattress and on the floor, as well as food litter and empty bottles. I hadn't opened the window or the shutters ever since I'd first walked in the room, so the air was probably hot and not so good-smelling either.