Survivor's Remorse

(XIII)Deep Breaths

"A car outside is gonna take us to the park. We can walk around when we get there ok?"
"Okie dokie"

   ***

When we made it to the park, I couldn't help the way my heart pounded with anxiety in my chest. I hadn't been around this many people in a very long time. Even in 12 I was given a respectful berth of space, never overcrowded.

I could do this for Lucas though. I just really hope no one recognizes me because I could not handle being mobbed. Venia did an excellent job though, so we should be fine. We walked hand in hand through the grass, looking for something to nibble on while we waited for the show dogs to come through.

After securing some chicken kabobs and a strawberry cream crêpe, we made our way over to the sectioned off area for the show dogs to come out and do their tricks. The crowd was beginning to squeeze in a bit tighter, making me scoop Lucas up into the crook of my right arm, up securely onto my hip. I needed to keep him safe and my emotions in control. He was my anchor.

The cheers begin to raise as the dogs come out one by one, each a different breed, more beautiful and exotic than the last. Some were bred with other species of Capitol creatures, some could fly, some breathing puffs of fire. Lucas is in awe, as he cheers and screams in perfect time with the performing pooches. Some were actually pretty impressive. I'd managed to snag a cookie stick and lemonade from a passing vendor cart, to keep him happy and hydrated, earning a toothy grin as he chomped away happily.

When they call for a volunteer, I can see Lucas practically bursting at the seams. So despite my terror, I grab him by his little waist, and shoot him a wicked grin before launching him high into the air above my head.

He shouts 'me' as loud as he can, with all three tosses, grabbing the attention and admiration of all the little ones around us. I try to ignore the goosebumps that break out over my skin at the dozens of eyes that are now watching us with humor.

"Well alright, looks like we've got our volunteer! The little tiger over there in the blue, come on over here!"

I immediately pick him up, placing him on the other side of the small barricade and pat his back.

"Give em a good show Goldfish" I smile

It's a struggle fighting the fear I have of him being so surrounded by semi-wild animals and Capitol residents. My distrust may always be there I suppose. They let him introduce himself and for the first time I truly see Finnick in him. They may have well shrunk him down and made him bite-sized. Lucas was all charming flashes of teeth, just a touch of the fangs exposed when he was being coy or telling a cute little quip. Lucas is on stage for over 10 minutes, having stole the show, being a better MC for the event explaining and exciting the crowd about the new safe Capitol show dog species.

He keeps waving and smiling at me throughout and I happily return each one. Those around me whisper about how much my son must look like his father with his fair skin and bright, twinkling eyes. Not that he was mine or anything, but they couldn't even see my face, just my lips and chin so what the hell did they even know?

As Lucas takes his prize of a stuffed, fire-breathing dog with a dragons tail, the wind picks up and blows my hat right off my head. My fluffed-up curls are whipping around my face so wildly I can hardly see until it dies down again. When I push my hair from my face, bending down to put my arms around Lucas, I hear the frantic whispers. Within seconds it's a dull roar and I realize they're all chanting my name, it's rippling through the crowd as they begin to close in tightly around me.

"Oh wow it is you!"
"The Mockingjay!"
"So this is where you've been! You and Peeta had the baby!"
"He looks just like you both! Mockingjay could I get a picture!"