i forgive you (y/ns pov)

Chapter 3: Maybe they didn't forget about me

The door to my room was still open. The driver had already dropped of my suitcase and the two bags I had with me. They all stood at the entrance of the room. I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath.

Everything felt so familiar yet so strange.

I looked around to notice that Wanda wasn't lying. No one seemed to have touched anything. Besides the weekly cleaning, of course. The dirty cups I left on my desk were gone, there were some fresh sheets on the bed, no dust and the small window was still open. I went past my luggage and past the bed straight to the window to close it.

My heart stopped at the sight of the windowsill. There was the framed picture of me and my sister, infront of it a little figure and next to it the black vase. Every week I used to go to the farmers market in town to get one single white rose to put in that black vase.
When I left, I also left that picture. At first I wanted to take it with me but somehow I couldn't. This was its place and I couldn't take it away.
Now, seven months later, it still stood there with the little figure and the black vase. And someone put a fresh white rose in that vase.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe they didn't forget about me.

Fury never told them why I left.

For the first time since Fury found me, I realized how overwhelming all of this was. Him finding and threatening me, me returning to this place that I for so long called my home, seeing all their faces and feeling so distant from all of this. Just now that I saw my sisters face on that picture I realized that I felt so distant from everything.

I ran into the bathroom.
Everything was still the same. All my favorite products still stood there in the „right" order, a new, sealed tooth brush was carefully placed on the small shelf beneath the huge round mirror next to a small bar of soap with the smell of red berries.

I took the soap and washed my hands with it.

For the past seven months I tried to numb myself, to not feel anything at all. Now the simple smell of my favorite soap bar got me all teared up.

I caught some water in my hands and dumped my face in it.

When I looked up again I saw Wandas reflection in the mirror. With tears in her eyes she stood behind me. For a moment I just looked at her reflection, then I slowly turned around. As soon as my body was turned over far enough she grabbed me around my waist and pulled herself in for the closest and warmest embrace.

It took me a second but eventually I wrapped my arms around her and let my head rest next to hers.

She didn't let got off me for a while. She didn't say anything. But I knew she was crying. And so was I.

„I am so sorry."

These were the first words I heard.

I loosened my grip in confusion.

„I never questioned Furys story. I should have known so much better."

After her tears stopped coming I asked her to sit down. This was not a conversation to be held in the door frame of a bathroom. She sat down on my bed, I pulled the chair from my desk to sit in front of her.

„I should have known. After everything that happened there was no way they would have send you to such a big and important undercover mission without backup."

„Maybe you just wanted to believe this story...", I said softly.

„I was hoping you were alright. I was hoping that maybe you were so much stronger than I thought you were. I... I just wanted you to be. Whenever I got too scared Steve said that sometimes a mission is the best way to get your mind off of something."
She wanted to explain herself so badly.

Looking down to the ground I admitted:
„I wasn't strong, Wanda..."

Suddenly she jumped off the bed and paced through the room frantically:

„OH MY GOD! You thought we forgot about you. You must think we hate you. You just went missing for seven months and no one... Shit! Y/n, that's not what happened!"

She made her way up to me to kneel infront of me.

„That is NOT what happened! You have to believe me! I thought about you. We all thought about you. Every day! Fury told us you were on a mission and that all your private belongings were with him. So calling you wouldn't make any sense. Every few weeks he gave us a report on your location. So no one got suspicious. We knew where you were so we didn't have to make our way over to Portugal to come looking for you."

Another lie.
I never even visited Portugal.

„I already figured", she joked. „This definitely isn't the tan somebody would have after seven months in Portugal."

She reached her hand up to caress my cheeks: „I don't hate you. WE don't hate you. We prayed everyday that you would return home safely."

Home.

Was this still home?

I had my doubts.

„I don't know why Fury thought this would be the best way to handle this situation. But judging by the screams in the conference room a second ago Tony and Steve are gonna take care of Fury. Don't let his actions unsettle you. We missed you. We would never abandon you."

I broke the eye contact and looked over to the picture on the windowsill.

„See", Wanda said lighting up, „we even bought her her flowers. It was Sams idea. He said you would be so happy to see that we took good care of her."

I broke down on those words.

It was all too much.

Wanda wiped my tears away carefully and smiled comfortingly: „I understand. This was a long day. I'll leave you alone. I just need you to know that I'm glad you're back. You're safe here. And if you ever want to talk about... about why you left or what you did or... whatever... I will always be there for you. But please... Don't ever run away from me again."

She got up, gave me kiss on the forehead and left me alone with my thoughts.