Loving Lord Bridgerton

Chapter Twenty

So, I waited...for the one person I would let see me naked. He walked in avoiding my eye contact probably trying to avoid anymore hurtful words I had. "I need your help." I admitted looking down at my hands, refusing to look up at him. "And I don't want to need help, but Dorota will make me drink more tea if I ask her and I would rather jump out the window. So, unless you want to be a widow-"

"Anything." Anthony said, cutting me off. "What do you need my assistance with?"

I let out a deep breath, looking up at him. "I want to take a bath, but I can't get there on my own. I would rather not fall on the way there."

Without hesitation, Anthony removed his jacket and walked over to me. He put his hand around my waist, helping me stand up from the bed. "I got you."

I held my breath, walking with him into the bathroom where the water was ready and waiting for me. "This is not desirable." I mumbled feeling my cheeks turn red as I pulled at the strings to my robe.

"We must agree to disagree." I heard him mumble behind me, helping drop the robe off my shoulders. Anthony held my elbows as I stepped into the tub and lowered myself into the water. I leaned back into the water, letting out a deep breath. I heard a shuffling sound, making me look over to see Anthony move the stool next to the tub and sit down.

"You don't have to stay." I stated as Anthony moved up the sleeves to his white shirt.

"And let you get weak and slide under the water? It's not happening." Anthony said, picking up the soap. I may have let him wash my legs and feet, but it wasn't because I missed his touch. It's because I don't want to use all my energy. I have to save that for the important parts. "We need to talk about what you said." Anthony said and I carefully watching his hand taking note of every movement.

"No, I just want to have a nice bath. I don't want to argue."

Anthony looked at me raising his brow at me. "Who said anything about arguing?"

"I apologize. I forgot we have never met. I'm Charlotte Bridgerton. I'm stubborn and argumentative when it comes to my husband."

Anthony chuckled, lowing one leg into the water and picking up the other. "Don't exert yourself with your charming wit."

I felt my heart flutter like it used to when I talked to him. When life was simple and I never believed I could be with him. "Stop it." I stated, looking away to keep from falling under his charm.

"Stop what?"

"Stop trying to make me enjoy this."

Anthony smiled at me, reading my face. "Yet, you are." He stated, looking away from me.

I could lie and say Anthony has no hold on me anymore. I could lie and say my entire body didn't ache for him. But lying requires energy and that is something I just do not have. I wish I did, but I don't. Which only leaves me extremely sad.

After I got out of the bath and refusing to let Anthony towel dry me, I went straight into bed, turning away from him before my body or heart could betray me anymore. I heard Anthony sigh, and I could tell that he was staring at me. "Why do you do that?" Anthony asked and I just let out a deep breath.

"I need a nap."

"No, you're shutting me out."

"I'm tired." I heard him let out a deep breath before hearing him walk towards the door. "You can't break my heart again if I don't let you." I didn't mean to let the words out before he left the room, but I knew he heard the second his footsteps stopped. I dreaded at the thought of him commenting on it.

I woke up from a nap and another disgusting tea. I hate to say I'm actually feeling better. I will take it to my grave. The only thing I wanted was nice walk outside in the garden. I was going to get myself, but a voice stopped me right as I hit the door. I turned around to seeing Anthony standing behind me with his arms crossed. "Why aren't you in your office? Or at the club? You are never around this much!" I huffed.

"I decided I don't want to be away as much anymore." Anthony stated, walking over to stand in front of me. "Where do you think you are going?"

"I want some fresh air."

Anthony stared at me for a moment before holding out his elbow towards me. I nodded, taking his arm and walking out into the beautiful day. It felt so good to be out of the house. I don't do well being trapped inside. "Thank you for letting me walk with you." Anthony said, breaking the silence between us.

"Well, it's you or Dorota, and she'll make me drink more of that disgusting tea." I shuttered at even the thought of doing it again. "She thinks you need at least three cups after a fever to stay healthy. And if I let her be right, she'll make me drink it once a week." Anthony laughed and I lightly smacked his arm. "You laugh, but I will send her straight to you the next time you get a chill."

He put his hand over his heart like I struck him in the chest. "Have you break a fever and you turn lethal." I laughed lightly shaking my head. "I will admit that I do have an ulterior motive to staying so reachable." Anthony stopped, moving to stand in front of me. "I am not touching any other woman. I made a promise, and I would never dishonor you by breaking it." Anthony's eyes locked onto mine, letting out a deep breath. "Not you."

I still read him rather well. At least for the most part. "I believe you."

"And I apologize for my behavior."

I knew I could have taken this and moved on, but there were too much bothering me. Things I needed answers for. "I have to ask you something and I need you to be honest." I paused for a moment, holding my breath as I worked to get the words out. "Why haven't you touched me? Do I repulse you?"

Anthony looking as if I've gone mad wasn't making things easier for me. "How could you think that?"

"What am I supposed to think? You went from wanting me every night to not wanting me at all!"

"Do you remember the first time you came into my office?"

"How could I forget? One of the bravest moments of my life. I remember being so scared that you would call me silly and usher back upstairs."

"I remember you being the only thing I could think about. Every night, every day. I looked forward for the night so I could hold you, taste you, even for second, you were all mine."

"If that's true, I don't know what changed."

Anthony sighed, looking away from me as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Your mother forced you into marriage. At first I thought we could make it work, but as reality sinked in...I guess I don't want you to be with me because you are obligated. I want you to be with me for the same reason of that night." Anthony looked back at me. "Desire."

I stared at him for a moment in utter shock. "You are ridiculous!" I snapped at him and Anthony looked at me confused.

"Excuse me? I'm trying to be honest with you!"

"First of all, no you are not! It might be part of it, but it is not the whole truth. I know you well enough to know that. Whatever is really hiding in that head of yours I will be here when you want to tell me. Second of all, I have burned for you for half of my life and you're worried I don't desire you? You really think all my dresses are so poorly made they all have poor zippers? You think I push against you in bed on accident? I have been trying to get you to want me since the day after our wedding night." I finally stopped, letting out a deep breath. "I'm not going to ask you to love me, but it would be nice to at least know my husband wanted me." I whipped around to storm off only to get winded. I put my hand on my head, stumbling slightly. Anthony quickly wrapped his arms around me.

"You shouldn't move so fast. Let's get you to bed."

I snicked, smirking up at him. "Only took you four months."

Anthony smiled down at me. "Glad to know you are still equipped with jokes." He said as he walked me back to the house.