Loving Lord Bridgerton

Chapter Fifteen

I stared at the ceiling running through our conversation piece by piece. I was going to be marrying a man I have been burning for for so long. There would be no love. There would be no private picnics. There would be no butterflies swirling my stomach from seeing him. We will lay together, we will have children, and that will be all. I don't know why he would want a marriage like this. From all accounts, his parents had one of the best relationships a person like us could have. There were no rumors of affairs, no gambling, and they loved each other. They loved each other as much a person could love their spouse. How does that inspire someone to want a marriage that is so clinical. At least in a marriage with a stranger there would be no reason to be disappointed. I would never love them to begin with.

I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but I won't up to the loud sound of my door being swung open. "It's happening! It's wonderful." I heard Daphne shout, making me almost jump out of the bed. She jumped onto my bed smiling at me as she sat on her knees in front of me. "I know we were sisters before, but now even more so!"

"I see you heard the news." I stated, pushing myself up in bed to look at her.

"I can't believe you didn't think to send word to me. I think I should have been told first when you were considering it!"

"I wasn't considering it. Anthony, Violet, and my mother had planned it before I had even known. I had just agreed to it all once it was all over."

Daphne paused for a moment, her head cocking with confusion. "Are you not excited?"

Out of reflex, I opened my mouth to answer her. I was going to tell her about my hesitation. About the loveless marriage I would be agreeing to. I wanted to tell her that I couldn't do it. That I wanted to, but I don't know if my heart could handle the repercussions.

Instead, I put a smile on my face. "I am excited. I will be getting married, staying in London, and there are worse people to be stuck with forever."

Daphne suddenly gasped, placing her hands on on my shoulders. "We could raise our children together!" Daphne jumped up off the bed. "You must get dressed. We must go shopping. So many dresses to get."

"I don't even know when the wedding will actually happen."

"That is what my mother is for." Daphne gave me one more wide smile before walking out of the room and letting Dorota inside. Dorota shut the door as I swung my legs off the side of the bed. "How are you feeling?" Dorota asked and I could tell she was being careful.

"Why do you ask? I feel fine."

"Miss. Charlotte, you cannot hide anything from me." Dorota pointed out, walking over to pull out a dress for me.

I let out a deep breath, standing up from the bed. "There is no need to ask." I said, letting out a deep breath. "Anthony is a good man, and he will be a good father. Am I alright with knowing the in and outs of our marriage, not entirely, but I will make the best out of the situation." I walked over to Dorota, looking at the light blue dress she had gotten out. "I wanted to be a mother and this the best way to get it."

Dorota pressed her lips together and I could tell she wanted to say something more.

I sighed, "What is it?"

"This idea Lord Bridgerton has is a foolish one...and he is not a foolish man."

She's right. Who wants to have a marriage, one they seemed to be completely faithful in, and doesn't want to love the person they are with? It doesn't make any sense. There has to be more going on in his head.

There's more going on in mine.

Half way through the day of trying and buying different dresses with Daphne and Violet. The second the thought of my mother coming with up ran across my mind, my entire body tensed with fear. I didn't want to see her, I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't even want to think about. Shopping with Daphne and Violet almost seemed like enough to keep my mind off my mother. Almost. They were going to be my family and that thought warmed my heart. It made everything easier to think I wouldn't be alone, but...they aren't my family. They are Anthony's family. My parents are my family. A father I never see and a mother who wants to steal my baby—no, my son. She wouldn't care about my daughter.