Loving Lord Bridgerton

Chapter Four

I haven't always been known for my mild manner personality. Honestly, I don't think anyone even dared to whisper that absurd idea. So, when I locked myself into the room, there wasn't too much surprise going around. Every fiber of my being knew I didn't want to leave this room. Violet knocked, trying to get into the door. I couldn't do it. She sent Dorota to make sure I was feeling alright. I let Dorota in because she can't break me, and I was eight when she realized there was no forcing me. "Miss Charlotte, you must come downstairs." Dorota pointed out as I paced in front of the window. The sun was out in full glory. It was a shame to shut in on such a beautiful day, but I'm still not leaving.

"The only thing I must do is not try to make a run for it out this window." But I have thought about it, but I'm pretty sure the fall will kill me.

"If you do not at least eat, you will start to waste away."

"I'm not hungry!" I snapped and Dorota pressed her lips together.

"I will be back when you are less cranky. Maybe take a nap." She walked out of the room with her head held high. I hated when she did that. Let me stew in my crankiness. What kind of maid does she think she is.

I was left alone for around an hour. I can't be sure because it felt like forever. But seeing that I have not died from starvation that it has only been an hour. Then there was a knock on the door followed by, "Charlotte, honey, how are you feeling?" Violet's sweet voice came from the other side of the door. I walked over to the door, temped to speak, but nothing came out. "Charlotte, the girls and I are going shopping. Would you care to join?"

Yes, I would like to join. But then I will have to answer all their questions. I'm not ready to answer questions. "No, I would like to stay."

"Are you sure I can't convince you to come down?"

"Violet, I love and respect you more than most people, but I must strongly reject the offer."

"Very well." I waited to hear her footsteps walk away from the door before letting out a deep breath.

I know that I'm thinking too hard. I know that I am being childish. I know the whole house must think I'm silly, but they don't have to deal with this feeling of conflict going on inside of me. They don't have to listen to my mother. They don't have their grasp of happiness resting on a couple of parties with men they have no interest in. How could I agree to such a thing. I probably wouldn't have been given a marriage I really want either way, but it would be able easier to accept that without thinking about the sliver of hope in the air.

I will be completely in your control.

Who agrees to such things? Just because I wanted one more season. No...I need to stop lying to myself. I didn't do it for one last season. I didn't do it for the parties or even to stay with the Bridgerton's. I did it to be closer to Anthony. That is why I did it! I listened to my foolish heart and now I can't stomach it.

I sat there in my own chaos of my thoughts, feeling the shame, and the silence of the room. Then I heard the sound of bickering coming from the other side of the door. I stared at the door trying to make out the words, but instead I saw the lock starting to move. I quickly ran over, shoving a chair under the door, and snapping, "Hyacinth, it's rude to pick locks!"

"How did you know it was me? It could have been Eloise." Hyacinth's voice came from the other side of the door.

"You answered!" Eloise yelled at her in a hush tone as if the door didn't carry sound. "Why are you locking yourself away? It's rather strange."

"Our mother is worried." Hyacinth added.

"I am fine. I am just...slightly unwell."

"Like how?"

I couldn't come up with anything, but to yell, "Go!"

"By unwell I believe she meant cranky." I heard Eloise mumble before walking away from the room.

The sun seemed to set and the moon took its place. Yes, sleep was no where to be found. I had lied so hard about being hungry that now I was starving. Whenever I think I might be close to sleep, the sound of my stomach brings me straight back to reality. I need something to keep my mind off my rumbling stomach. Reading! Reading can easily be boring when you have the right topic. I'm sure I could find something of use in the Bridgerton library. Plus, with the whole house being asleep, I won't have to answer any questions. I could get exactly what I wanted and avoid everything that scares me. Now, it was going to be my excitement keeping me away.

I took the candle off the nightstand, lighting it, and using it to aide my way through the dark house. I made it all the way to the library, setting the candle on the desk before searching the bookshelves. I ran my fingers across the spines, looking for the right one.

"What are you doing?" I near jumped right out of my skin, turning around to see Benedict standing there.

"What am I doing? What are you doing? You don't even live here!" I stated, my hand over my pounding heart.

"When is it written that a man can't visit his family?"

"Then why are you not asleep like the rest of your family?"

"Why are you not asleep?" I may not have answered him, but my stomach wasn't as quiet. "Have you not eaten at all today? I heard you lock yourself away."

"Who told you that?"

"Anthony. Said it was all anyone could talk about. They all thought you were having a melt down."

I bite the inside of my cheek, whispering, "I'm scared."

I didn't think he heard me, but then he said, "Of?"

For the love of— I didn't want to tell Benedict my problems, but he's not going to just let me leave. These Bridgertons are relentless when it comes to people they like. Sadly, they like me. "My future. The idea that I'm going to end up in a horrid marriage, and it will be all my fault because my stupid brain can't agree with my stupid heart."

"Charlotte, you don't look well. I'm sure you could sit a couple of parties out."

"No!" I snapped before I was able to regain my composure. "No, I can't."

"I don't think your mother will let you marry someone horrid."

"I'm afraid my mother is not as...kind as yours." And I made a promise that she will never let me give up. "Not all of us are bless that way." I reached over, picking up my candle. "I must be going. If anyone catches us, I would be stuck marrying you."

Benedict chuckled, looking away from be before mumbling, "I know someone who would hate that very much."

I could have questioned that, but I didn't. I don't want to. I'm already choking down enough reality. I don't need anymore. "Goodnight, Benedict." I simply said before walking up to my bedroom.

Since it took me so long to actually fall asleep, I had missed having breakfast with everyone else. But I was out of the room and that was good enough for Dorota. She made sure to have enough food to make up for skipping yesterday. "You got your appetite back." Dorota said as I cleared my plate.

"If I don't eat, I will just waste away." I smiled over at Dorota, who held a proud smile as she filled up my plate again.

"You are beautiful when you are out of your own way."

Violet walked over to the tablet, smiling at me. "Glad to see you are out of the room."

She sat down across from me, and I smiled at her. "I apologize for my behavior. I am not so illbred not to know what I did was wrong."

Violet reached over taking my hand. "Are you alright, Charlotte?"

She was so loving and cared so much— so different from my own mother— I felt myself completely break down. "Will you help me find a husband?" I asked. "No one knows people better than you, and I know you have daughters to marry off, and I understand if you don't. I just...I—"

"Charlotte." Violet stopped me and I looked at her nervously taking a bite of my strawberry. "I promise to do my best to find someone suitable for you that your mother will agree with."

"I must admit I hope you are right." Was it another sliver of hope? Yes. Was I going to be holding on to this one? With everything that I have.