Black And Blue

chapter 4

The wind blew past us, whipping my hair in all directions. The blue locks swayed in all directions creating some kind of hurricane of colour, if only people saw the beauty in it that way. Han stood in front of me eyes wide and breath coming in sharp explosions. It was the shock everyone else got when they saw it, except this time there was a light glint in his eyes. I was too young to place it but looking back, it must have been amazement.

"It's beautiful.", He had whispered. A weight the size of a heifer had lifted from my shoulders and a small smile had crept it's way onto my face. I had never gotten a reaction like this. It was the first time anyone ever saw beauty rather than hideousness in my hair.

It made life feel a bit less unbearable. He slowly moved his fair hand to my hair and ran a few fingers through it. It got caught in some of the curls I had tried to put in, earlier that morning, but he stilled marveled at it.

"Can we be friends.", I had asked meekly that windy day. I had to try at the very least.

"We already are, and we always will be.", He said smiling, his eyes curving into half moons. "I promise."

(End of flashback)

My pen fell onto my book. It just wasn't working and I knew it wouldn't work for a while. It was writers block but not the usual kind. The guilt of how I had left things with Chan had plagued my mind day and night, giving me not a single chance of freedom or peace.

I wanted to understand him, I really did, but I knew the only way to do that would be by going on social media and seeing how far true his theory was. But I needed courage for that. Courage I didn't often have.

I stood from my chair abruptly. Why was everything so complicated now? And all because of a video. I couldn't lose my only friend because of it. I just couldn't let that happen. I couldn't keep having lunch on my own or skippinv our shared classes. I couldn't let it take such a drastic toll on my life.

I made for my phone. I swiped it open and went straight to the Appstore. I searched up Instagram and clicked on install before I could back out. I waited anxiously tapping my fingers on my desk for it to download. They were itching to cancel it.

The silence in my room was deafening it made feel sick. Why did it take so long? My phone lit up, alerting me of the completed download. Finally. My fingers hovered over the screen. If I did this I'd be contracdicting myself but I'd be getting my best and only friend back.

The pros weighed out the cons by far. I had no bloody choice in the end. But what made me believe i could just run over to his house and claim i forgive him? Would he let me back in? Would i just make things worse? I'd only find out if i pushed the sign up button. And so i did.

See when i made these choices i was fueled by loneliness but looking back, maybe it wasn't as much of a curse as i may have made it out to be. It was part of the reason everything after that came to be. It was the one action that defined everything thing after it. Do i regret it? No so much but maybe the part of me that blames myself does.

The first lot of videos i came across were basic comedic videos, relatable things and some trendy dances. Nothing there piqued my interests. My overactive mind was halted, however, when i came across a video of a five year old girl playing violin - to the world.

The bravery of someone so young to put herself out there superseded mine by far. I felt small at that. Why was i so difficult. The simplicity of things online was mind bending, allowing a whole new sheet of thoughts into my mind. Maybe it wasn't so bad.

I believe it was meant to be though, everything after that. It all just seemed to fit into a perfect jigsaw. I came, spontaneously across my video. The video that had shattered everything between me and my best friend.

There i was, sitting on my bed, pen in hand, as i tapped it on a book infront of me - my notepad. I hummed a few notes before breaking out into complete song.  I knew i could sing but hearing it that day gave a whole new meaning to that belief. I was an angel, with worlds flying out of my mouth in flawless melodies. That's what i was keeping from the world. I was particularly insecure about the fact that my hair was out in the open, the curls i had trued to put in wilting and falling closer to their straight nature. I don't even know why i bothered when noone ever got to see them. Until now..

My finger hovered over the comments button before clicking it. There was no going back after that. There were so many of them, i could have never finished them. Among the thousands were some that forced a smile onto my face.

That's talent right there.

She sings it so well

Her hair! I'm so living for this.

She's the future of music.

Just so you know, im a fan even before she's famous.

The music industry needs her to stay alive.

Let's talk about how amzing her hair looks. She doesn't even have to try.

What's her official account?

Who knows where i can get more of her content?

Ofcourse there were a lot of negative ones too but my mind didn't allow them to stick, i was too hung up on the beauty and positivity. The last one was by far the best one yet. It gave me all I've ever craved and lured me further in. Those were the words that sent me headfirst into a sea of emotions that would vary. I would go from the lonely girl, to the popular girl, maybe even famous, then I'd enter bliss and leave too soon.

I love everything about her, she's beautiful 😍

___________

It's my birthday in a few days and I'm on cloud nine. I'm gonna be eligible to drive!

Anywhoooo. She's done it. The big thing. Now that i think of it, there's gonna be a lot of crucial points in this book. This is one of them.

Random question: when is your birthday?

TTMN🖤