Fallen Stars| ✎

chapter nine

I could already feel the overbearing emotions that would soon hit me like a train. I hated myself. I shouldn't have said anything.

"June, let's just—" She rips out of my hold, shoving me back this time with so much force that I almost fell. I stare at her, my eyes watering.

Anger was so prominent on her face that you would be blind if you didn't see it. "No Ella I won't just forget it. I'm sorry I'm not as mentally ill as you; I can't just forget shit like you." I flinched at her words.

"Stop crying, Ella. You need to grow up and get fucking help." My body was stuck in place as I watched my best friend leave.

I could still hear her footsteps as she rounded the corner. My body jolted at the sound of the front door slamming closed.

I look around me, seeing the emptiness of the house. It was the weekend, and the house was empty, but my mind wasn't. Jealous? Want attention? I wasn't those things, was I?

Yes.

The dark thought echoed through my head so loudly that I don't even think music could drown it out. My breathing slowly becomes rushed. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

You're a bad friend.

What kind of friend would try to ruin a relationship?

Attention whore.

My thoughts fill my head, overwhelming my emotions and mind. Was I in the wrong?

Yes.

The dark thoughts whisper back.

I stumbled up the stairs as my breathing became rushed and it was hard to breathe. "Br-breathe."

I tried to tell myself but nothing seemed to work. I didn't realize that I was snapping the rubber band on my wrist. The sting wasn't enough.

More.

Tears filled my eyes. My skin was a bright pinkish-red from the rubber band.

More.

Before I realized it, I was digging through my desk looking for my sharpener.

Do it.

I slam the small sharpener on my desk, freeing the small piece of metal.

Do it. You'll feel better.

The voice in my head whispers again. Maybe it was right. I push up my sleeve.

The cold metal between my fingertips. Maybe all my pain will go away.

When I bring the metal to my wrist, a loud knock on my window makes me flinch.

My head flies up to my window to see River. I shoot off of my bed and shove the broken sharpener in my desk.

I quickly wipe my tears with the back of my hand before opening the window. River climbs into my room, placing his bag on the floor.

"What are you doing here, Riv?" My voice is low, and I try not to make much eye contact.

I didn't want him to see that I was upset.

Did he see me? For a moment, River's eyes dropped to my wrist, causing me to yank my arm sleeve down. "Why are you here?" I snapped at my brother's best friend.

His eyes darted around my room for a split second, as if he were trying to think. "To study. You're my tutor, remember." He pointed it out.

I let out a sigh. "I'm not in the mood to study, River." I tear my eyes away from his dark ones. "Then let's go for a walk." I stare at him for a moment, and by the look on his face, I know if I said no, he would throw me over his shoulder and make me go.