QT: Against My Will (Volume 1)

2.19 - Take it out on Me - Mr. and Mrs. Jelly

"It doesn't matter what I say. You would always overreact." Bing Shi started to give up. She was becoming sad rather than happy. She tried everything. Being nice? Being angry? Nothing worked!

What about the saying 'If one didn't accept you at your worst, they didn't deserve you at your best?' Could it be used in their situation? Xuan Mu snapped resentfully, "So what?! Not everybody is as perfect as you. Find yourself a man who is like you. So you can live happily ever after. I don't care anymore."

'Is he Xuan Mu?'

'Give me back my Xuan Mu.'

Bing Shi hung up on him again, knowing how she would always pick up his call with the hope that her Xuan Mu would return.

"How does it feel to have a sick boyfriend like me? Are you scared? Are you tired of me? Want to get rid of me?" Xuan Mu fretted eerily.

"You need to rest. Go to sleep," Bing Shi ignored his hurtful words and held in her tears again.

"Don't order me around! I'll do whatever I want! I'm not your slave. Don't hang up! Don't try to get rid of me!" Xuan Mu growled furiously. He wanted her here with him so much — the great distance would often make him think that she was just a fragment of his imagination.

Bing Shi was at her end.

'~ He needs help. You need to save him.'

'How? I tried.'

'~No, you only made it worse by always running away.'

'But he is hurting me.'

'~Who is in more pain?'

'He is.'

'But I'm scared of him.'

'~ Isn't he showing you his true feelings?'

'He is.'

'~ Try to understand him more, find a source of his mood swings because they don't make sense.'

With his symptoms, it didn't take her long to find out what was wrong with him.

'Severe Depression?'

She tilted her head upward and covered her mouth tightly, afraid of letting out a sound. Still, she couldn't hold it in and a high-pitched cry full of grief escaped her lips. She wasn't certain if her deduction was right, and just to make sure, she asked for a doctor's help on the internet anonymously.

'It makes sense now...'

'When I said other people had it worse, he went crazy...'

'When I said everything would be alright, he went lunatic...'

She broke down and started to sob like a child. The thought of him ending his life was like a sharp edge of a blade etching into her heart, as much as upon the wood. She regretted her behavior. She shouldn't have run away from their problems.

'I almost killed him.'

'He is obsessive, suicidal, stressed, and now even depressed.'

'Why are all these bad emotions occupying his beautiful mind?'

'How is he still holding on?'

'Is it because of me?'

'But I as his girlfriend don't even let him touch me...'

'He deserves much more.'

'I'm the worst...I should have found out sooner.'

'I'm not worthy of him...'

When Xuan Mu called her again, Bing Shi picked up the call and almost dropped the phone after hearing what he was about to say.

"Why am I even trying? I should just die, so you can finally be free," Xuan Mu said truthfully, ready to give up. He was sick of everything, "Let's break up."

'No.'

'Please.'

'Stop hurting yourself.'

'Don't give up on yourself, on us...'

"Am I not enough of a reason for you to be alive?" Bing Shi asked as she ignored her aching heart.

"I don't know." Tears fell down his eyes as he answered truthfully. He was such a failure, always giving up on everything, now, even his girlfriend.

As usual, their eyes would wander to their windows to gaze at the stars, to peek into the universe... the spectacle that was given sung them a silent hymn... as if ordering them to look and feel both their smallness. They closed their eyes, mutely enthralled, feeling the slow thud of their hearts.

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