Bow and Sparrow

CH 15

"Good news. I would say you are all healed up." Knox clapped his hands together as the back of my tunic dropped from his hold. The joy I should've felt from hearing him say that didn't come. Instead, inklings of panic and dread filled my limbs.

"What? Are you certain?" I reached a shaky hand around my back to lightly graze the scars there. When my fingers brush against them, there's only painful memories.

"The redness is gone and the scabs are healing." He prodded my back but the only thing I flinched from was his cold hands. "The scars will likely never go away but they will fade over time. And you can put this entire mess behind you."

Knox stood from his chair, brushing his hands on his pants as he did so. He had been bringing less and less each visit, the tell-tale sign that I was healing. Today, he came empty handed.

"I suppose now you can finally go back home." His dark eyes glistened behind his glasses but that could've been a trick of the light but Knox ducked beneath the doorway before I could be sure.

I can go home. The only thing stopping me from leaving before was my injuries, but now that they're healed, I can travel safely. I stared at my hands curled in my lap, at the burns that didn't blister. Just like the scars across my back, they brought painful memories with them. Memories of the slavers' camp, the raid, home. Dast would've mourned their losses from the raid, would probably only now be rebuilding what had been burned by the violent slavers. The crops would've been delayed in their harvest if the ash that lingered in the air hadn't killed them.

Father would refuse to leave his office, even when letters came that ordered him back to the capital. Days would pass in a haze and he would become a shell of a man, similar to what had claimed him when we lost our mother. His armchair would be pushed by the window that overlooked the targets I used to practice with Davin.

Davin, who I could only believe was alive and well, would be waiting for me with open arms. He would be in charge of the house while my father's mind was lost to his thoughts. He would oversee that everything returned to normal. He might even start teaching Ayla what he had taught me.

Sweet, mischievous Ayla would perch on the rooftops and stare at the open fields, waiting for the moment when I returned. But during sleep, her nightmares would be filled with bobbing lights weaving through the woods and a cold, damp cellar. Her nursemaid would aid her during the night, but Ayla would only push her away.

I would be a fool to think that my return would suddenly fix everything. As if I could erase the past month. The scars will have run deep and I know that better than anyone. In truth, I was afraid of what awaited me back home, what would be left to sift through in the ruins.

_____
"Stop moping. He'll be back soon."

"It's not that." I didn't have the energy to roll my eyes at Anders. We had just left the dining hall, where I had tossed out my almost full plate of sweet peas and dried beef. I couldn't stop thinking about what Knox said. I could go home.

"I'm just homesick-" Was I? Yes, I decided. That had to be the cause of the crushing feeling in my chest. "When I was taken, I thought I'd never see my family again. And now... I was with my uncle and sister when we were raided. I don't know what's become of them. The last time I saw my uncle, he was facedown in a pool of his own blood. Honestly, I'm scared to go home. What if things are different and not in a good way?"

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, blinking back the tears brimming in my eyes. "Sorry," I said, thickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Anders shove his hands into his pocket and I couldn't believe the awkward mess I had made. It was only when he pulled a white handkerchief that I saw the frown tugging the corners of his lips downward. I took the offered handkerchief with a swipe across my eyes and a mumbled, "Thanks."