8: Babe

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"Dar, I'm home!" I yelled to the house and walked up to my room. I shut the door behind me and gently laid down on the bed, so that I wouldn't strain my ribs anymore. I closed my eyes and laid there. I don't know how long my eyes were closed for when I heard a soft knock on the door.

"It's Soda."

"Come in."

"Darry wants me to tell you that dinners ready. You gonna eat with us or do you want me to bring something to you?"

I shouldn't eat. I'm fat enough. I'll just tell them that the medicine made me lose my appetite.

"Sis?" Soda broke me out of my thoughts.

"I'm not really hungry, sorry Pepsi."

"How come?"

"Its the medicine, they said it might make me lose my appetite."

"Okay." he walked over and sat next to me on the bed. "How are you doing with all this?"

"I'm fine, Soda." I rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. "Really, I'm fine. Go eat dinner with the gang."

"Okay, love you." he kissed my forehead and walked out.

"Love you too." I called to him in the hallway.

~Time Skip~

I was awake with my eyes closed when I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Assuming it was Darry or Soda, I ignored it and left my eyes closed. Suddenly, the door flew open and I snapped my eyes open. I couldn't make out the figure at first because of the light behind them, but once they got close enough, I sat up quickly through the pain and backed into a corner.

"No, no, no. No!" I screamed with my back to the wall.

Mark stormed into the room and grabbed me by the throat, choking me.

"Who'd you tell?" he yelled, his eyes ablaze with anger.

"I-" I tried to talk through him choking me. I began to cry and shake with fear. He loosened his grip so I could speak, but I still struggled to breathe. "I didn't tell anybody. Please, I didn't do anything. P- please."

"Y/N." Soda walked in the door and my eyes snapped open.

It was a dream.

I was curled into a ball in the corner of our room on our bed. "Shh, it's okay baby. He's not gonna hurt you." he craddled me in his arms and cooed to me. "You're safe."

"Soda, the dreams are back." I sniffled. "I can't."

"Shh, it's okay. Its not real." I hugged onto Soda tighter and kept shaking. He rubbed my back in attempt to calm me down.

The tough exterior I had built up had finally fallen down. The wall I once was, was now a pile of rubble. I was a pile of rubble. Trying to build it back up while the ground was still shaking was pointless and hard. Before, cement and a coat of paint held it together. The paint being alcohol, weed, and sex. The cement, the cement was blades, valium, and fights. The valium helped kill uprising anxiety and fear, stopping it before it starts. And fights, that's just to feel something. Blades helped open the protective coating that was my skin and poured the surviving anxiety out with my blood.

Self-harm, if you want the "medical" term.

"What's wrong?" I heard someone whisper. It was Steve.

"She's had nighmares ever since Mark went to jail. They finally went away and I guess they're back since he was back a day ago." Pony explained to him. Its only then that I noticed the whole gang, minus Dally, standing in the doorway. I didn't mind crying infront of them. It was hella embarassing, but I trusted them.

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