Love Mended My Life

12. Panic In My Arms

It took her a few seconds to answer me as she smiled and stared at her hands resting on her thighs.

"Ooof so good, I can never keep my cool around you," She replied as she laughed and looked away from me blushing. It worked, I made her smile ;))))

"Sam, I wanted to talk to you about something, but I understand if you're not up for it right now---" I spoke softly but she interrupted me.

"--Mon... I don't want your pity. Please. And please, don't look at me like that. I rushed to the bathroom because I don't want anyone to see me like this... but when the panic attack started, I knew I needed someone because usually Nam helps me out.

I... I understand... if you don't... if you're not interested anymore... I get it--"

This time I interrupted her as she started spewing nonsense.

"Sam. I'm not leaving. I don't pity you... I just, my heart aches... for you. I know you. I know you. I know how strong, intelligent, and beautiful you are. But... sometimes... even the most beautiful flowers wilt on rainy days, and then they sprout gracefully a while after."

She kept quiet as she stared at her hands. I continued,

"Sam, you have always been the most captivating human I have ever met. You walk into a room and leave everyone awestruck, with your beauty, your confidence, and your intellect, me included. I don't know why you're having panic attacks or what you're feeling or thinking, but I'm here for you. And I'm ready. I'm ready to listen to you until dawn and I'm ready to give you my help, my attention, my care, and anything you want... if you let me."

I stared into her eyes as I genuinely meant every word. She, on the other hand, looked stunned.

"I uh... I don't know what to say Mon. I... I... thank you, for saying... all that," she stared at the floor thinking of what to say, "I... I'd love to talk to you, and I think I need to explain everything to you, and then... you can decide if you still want this...us. Right now I can't think though, I won't be able to word my thoughts for you to understand, we can talk tomorrow?"

I smiled softly at her and nodded. I decided to break the silence, 

"I... I want you to join us, by the pool. Nam and Yuki are ordering some sushi for us and I won't be able to eat and enjoy it without you, I know sushi is your favorite. Also, I think going out of this room will do good for you," I smiled at her and gave my famous puppy eyes so she can't say no.

"Okay miss puppy eyes, I see you still use them to your advantage since high school," she chuckled as she stood up and walked towards her luggage, and pulled out her swimsuit.

"Aaand they still work on you, hahaha, remember when I used to give you puppy eyes during exams so you can move your paper closer for me to cheat?"

We both laughed at the funny memory and she headed to the bathroom to change into her swimsuit. My phone started ringing and it was Nam making sure Sam is okay, I assured her and told her we were coming soon. 

'She's such a good friend' I thought as I finished the phone call and put on some loud music to hype the atmosphere and get Sam's mood to change.

Studio Killers - I wanna ruin our friendship (Jenny) (Lyrics)

"Saaaaammyyyy come on let's goooo SUSHIIIIII woooooo," I yelled over the music and she walked out of the bathroom laughing with a big smile on her face.

MEANWHILE, I had my jaw on the floor at the sight of her. She looked so hot in her black bikini.

I started dancing around and jumping to the music as she tried packing her beach bag with a towel and some sunscreen and pool essentials.

"I WANNA RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIIIIIP," I sang along as she tried to walk past me reaching for her phone that was on the bed but I stopped her.

I couldn't contain myself. I held her bare waist with both my hands and moved her in front of me to dance along with me.

"I wanna ruin our friendship, 

we should be lovers instead,

I don't know how to say this, 

cause you're really my dearest friend,"

She blushed as I stared at her beautiful face. I looked into her eyes and then her lips. 

Yeah, the triangle theory, it works. :)

As she held her hands around my neck, my left hand held her waist as we swayed to the music and my right hand reached up to her face as my thumb caressed her warm, red cheeks. I smiled as I looked up at her and tried to reach for her lips. She was a tiny bit taller than me, making me tiptoe to reach her level. 

I kissed her sweetly, gently, as I felt her arms tighten around my neck. We kissed tenderly for a few moments as I tasted her vanilla chapstick and enjoyed her soft lips. She smiled against my kiss as we heard the next song that came on: (Ylvis - The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?)

We burst into a giant fit of laughter.

"Okay okay we need to go Nam is calling again," I told her and she picked up her beach bag and walked to the door. 

We walked out the door and into the elevator. We stood in silence as the elevator took us down. I glanced at her through the elevator mirror and found her staring at me with a smile. I smiled back and looked down at her hands, I reached out with my left hand and intertwined her right hand. Sam flinched and slowly retracted her hand.

"Mon... you might not want me... us... after what I tell you tomorrow, maybe we shouldn't hold hands," she sighed as she spoke and stared at the floor.

I reached for her hand again and held it firmly. I intertwined our fingers and rubbed her palm with my thumb.

"Sam, I want you. Whatever you tell me tomorrow... isn't going to change my feelings about you. I'm an adult and I know what I want and what I can handle, you don't need to warn me. We are going to do this together," I said with confidence, "Now stop doubting yourself and give me a kiss," I chuckled at her to lighten her up. She gave me a peck and a smile as we walked out of the elevator and to the pool, holding hands, for the first time.

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update! 

hope you guys are taking care of yourselves! i got sick recently and had to rest for a whole week!

stay hydrated in this heat!!

thank you for reading <3

-k