Snow on the Beach - S.CONKLIN

15

STEVEN
"Go get it, girl!" Taylor shouts to Noelle as she starts walking toward the other room. She turns around. It's brief but our eyes still meet, several unsaid and trapped words hiding behind my pupils only for me to know. Jeremiah wraps his hand around my neck, giving it teasing shakes that make me refocus my attention on something else than the girl I like slipping away. A second time.
"Where she going?" I wanted to frown, my jealousy begging to creep in my face but instead, I raise my eyebrows. Not wanting to raise any suspicions.
"The DJ Booth, duh." Taylor laughs, saying it like Nols going there is such an obvious thing. To them, maybe. But the twitch in my jaw is self-explanatory, jealousy tuning out the irritatingly loud chatters of the crowd around us as my eyes find her again, glued upon her figure until it completely disappears out of my sight. 

"Here." Conrad elbows me, barely grazing my skin with his and yet still catches my attention. We're only the two of us now, the others must have regained the party while I got lost in my head, thinking about her, again. My gaze shifts down to what he's handing me. The now printed polaroid picture he took of Noelle and I. She's looking directly into the camera, a smile so wide that it rose her full cheeks high, the dimple on her right one even more pronounced than it usually is. Her hand closest to me is resting on my right shoulder, she probably tried to prop herself up on her tip-toes, wishing for our heights to not clash as much but I still tower way over her. Even if my neck is slightly bent down, my head turned to look down at her instead of the camera, completely ruining what could have been a great picture. I stifled a laugh, I'm not sure what to do with this or neither why Conrad gave it to me. I can't hold on to everything that makes me think of her, my pockets would definitely not be deep enough since anything, every little thing reminds me of Noelle. It's borderline disturbing of how much space she occupies my mind. "You should probably tell her." He adds out of the blue.
"Uh?" I frown to Conrad.
"Don't you try to act dumb, you heard me." He scoffs, glancing down at the picture for a quick second and I roll my eyes, still wanting to deny the feelings that have been resubmerging my chest and mind for the past days. After Jere, Conrad too. Did everyone notice before me? "Look, I'm rooting for you but you either gotta make a move or let her go, man. You know how Nols always felt toward you."
"What do you mean?"
"Have you truly been that oblivious?"
"Conrad, I'm serious. What. Do. You. Mean?" My frown deepens and I must have unconsciously take a step forward because Conrad jerks back. His arms are lifted in between us, hovering in the air like he wants to calm me down. Only then do I actually notice how agitated my whole body shifted, something about his tone makes my mind spin with apprehension of what he's about to confess. Oblivious to what? To my feeling, that I know. But what about hers? What has she always felt for me? Is it what I hope it is?

"Oh my god, you have." Conrad breathes out of surprise, gripping at his forehead as he reads the confusion in my face. There's a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth but rather than for it to be amusement, it's disbelief. He takes an abrupt step closer, grabbing me with both of his hands on my shoulders. "Don't tell me you never noticed how huge of a crush Noelle always had for you. Ever since we were kids."
"She did?" The frown still very present on my face but I'm not confused anymore. Everything is so clear now, I know what I have to do. What I should have done since I first red Susannah's letter. I feel my traits finally softening as I make up my mind, Conrad sees it and ultimately lets his previously trapped smile appear on his lips. "She does." I repeat out loud, my tone a tad more excited, maybe even hopeful. Thinking that if I said the words out loud, they would feel real rather than something I imagined. Just like Conrad's words. They're real, real loud as I have them on loop in my mind.
Noelle liked me. No, she likes me.
How could I have been this blind? She was right under my nose. All this time. I pull Conrad by the neck, he's resisting but I still succeed in giving him two drunken peck on each cheeks.
"Go away." He chuckles, wiping his cheeks with his hands as his nose scrunches in disgust.
"I owe you, man." I point to him, already a foot out of the living room, begging the other to move too so I can find her. I go in the kitchen, my head moving from right to left, meticulously scrutinizing the room to meet those big brown eyes. The ones that melted in a more honey-like color when the sun shun her way, the ones that I had desperately missed and tried to replace, wanting to fill the void I've been feeling for the past five years. She's not here. My shoulders deflate in deception but I'm not giving up. Taylor said she was going to the DJ Booth so I walk up there, hopeful. Fail, again. Noelle is not by the booth and nor is Cam, and suddenly I notice beads of sweat forming at the back of my neck. I hate thinking that she's alone with him, even more now when I've made up my mind about telling her how I feel. I turn around and see Taylor, dancing in the crowd. I call out her name, my voice going up a few octaves higher as I try to be louder than the music playing. She gracefully turns around with her usual flirtatious smile, clearly not expecting to see me on the dance floor.
"Came to dance?" Taylor's eyebrow raises, surprised.
"I have a request for our DJ, have you seen him around?" I lie. I don't know why I did. Maybe because it would have taken too long for me to explain everything or maybe because I'm scared to admit it and get hurt in the end.
"Is that all?" She crosses her arm, clearly I'm not the most convincing. I nod, frowning to mask the fact that she red my true intentions. "You want to come up with something better?" Taylor rolls her eyes after a few seconds of silence, me not budging from my version of the truth and her convinced that I am in fact lying. "They're by the pool." She waves her hand in a dismissive way like I'm getting on her nerves but I'm way too quick on my feet to pay attention to her rather questionable gesture.