Snow on the Beach - S.CONKLIN

02

There's a tension in the car but I don't know whether it's from everything that's going down or something else between Belly and Jeremiah. She keeps looking at him, biting down on her bottom lip like she wants to say something but is too scared to. I clear my throat, catching her attention like I intended to. She frowns and I roll my eyes at her cluelessness. Eyes widened, I jerk my chin toward Jeremiah, encouraging her to say something to break this tension.

"Okay. Calm down." Belly mouths, a timid smile on her lips. She repositions herself in her seat, inching forward Jere. "So..." She finally says out loud. "what are you thinking about?"
"That I'm an idiot for thinking I could change Aunt Julia's mind." He answers, catching my eyes through the rearview mirror. "You could have at least let me talk to her."

I sigh, "She's untalkable. Believe me, I tried. You would have wasted your time. And right now, time is something precious." I try to reassure him but it's clear that he doesn't understand it. Perhaps both of them don't understand why I'm coming back with them. They might think I have some ulterior motives but my only goal here is to be there for them this time. I was a coward, useless back in Los Angeles but in Cousins, I'm close to them, I can help in some ways. Make things right.

"Do you know why she's doing this?" He glances at me again but I look away and stay silent. I don't want to answer his question because I can't bring myself to admit that I don't have a clue why. My mother gave me plenty of reasons but none of them are true, there's something deeper underneath her intentions and I think it's hurt. I think that during our last summer in Cousins, Susannah said or did something that hurt her so deeply that she had to cut them from our lives, but I can't say that out loud because right now, they see her as the villain. Villains aren't pitied even though they are usually the ones who hurt the most. Jeremiah scoffs at my silence. "Whatever. It's all up to Conrad now and whether or not he can convince Dad to dip into his trust."
"Wait." I sit on the edge of the backseat, my head popping in between the two. "Conrad's here too?" Jeremiah nods. "That makes sense."
"What does?" Belly frowns, looking back at me.
"The realtor called my mother before we boarded, saying that every day for the past week, they had to sent someone to put a new sign since someone was kicking them down."
"Yup." Jeremiah chuckles. "That's definitely Conrad." Belly and I share a smile before his laugh fades, turning into a sigh. "I bet Dad's pissed."
"It's still bad between them?" Belly questions but her tone is more assuming, like she's only asking to let Jeremiah open up. Instead, they both share a knowing look and I understand that I've missed a lot during those five years. Adam and Conrad were always a pair growing up, they would play football on the beach during the fourth, the only time where dads were allowed at the beach house. I don't know what went wrong between them and I don't want to ask either. Not right now, at least. The car slows down before completely stopping.

"We're here." Jeremiah says but I don't move. It's like I'm frozen in my seat, unable to get out. The beach house looks exactly the same, with its rows of gorgeous flowers and its still very white fence. I don't understand how my mom would ever want to sell a magical place like this. It's a home. Not mine, it's the Fisher's, and maybe the Conklin's too, but they've always made me feel like I belong there, with them. I hear the car's trunk closing and look to spot Belly and Jeremiah, grocery bags in their hands, entering the beach house which made me finally get out of the car. I walk toward the door, the sun is shining bright on me, almost halo-like. I glance up, blinding my own eyes but I don't mind, because for a flashing moment, I swear I thought it could have been a sign. A sign that Susannah is watching over her boys, Belly, her home and I hope, me, telling me that I am welcomed here.

I close the door behind me, quietly. I slowly move toward the voices I hear in the kitchen, taking the time to carefully gaze around. I can't help the smile to curl my lips as I rediscover the house but it's a sad one when I realize I never had the chance to come back before Susannah died. I can almost see her, in one of her floral dresses, running to greet me with a plate of a fresh bash of strawberry muffins. My favorites.