Snow on the Beach - S.CONKLIN

12

STEVEN
What the fuck just happened? Everyone's cheering Cam and Nols kissing but I'm too confused to react, a bittersweet taste excessively watering my mouth. They finally pull apart after what felt like eternity and I tear my eyes away from them. I don't want to even look at her right now, so I drop my gaze to my laps, noticing how unusually sweaty my palms are. I know if I don't say something soon, they're going to question my silence so I do what I do best.

"Can we stop the unhygienic spit-swap, we have virgin eyes, here." I tease, turning this kiss into a joke because it inexplicably hurts less that way. I quickly cover Belly's eyes with my hands and she's quick to draw them away. Too quick. Did something happened that I'm not aware of? I mean, it's possible since recently, my sister hid so many things from me.
"Shut up, Steven." Belly grunts through gritted teeth.
"No, this is exactly what I meant by Euphoria. Who's next?" Taylor adds and I snort at her comment. She always has a certain way of saying things, it's very... magnetic. Like you can't help yourself but listen to what she's saying. Always the light brightening up the room. At least that's what I used to think before coming back to Cousins, now I feel like something changed. She changed my perspective. I finally dare to rest my gaze upon her and despite just kissing someone, her face is cold and she's hugging her banded up knees like she's comforting herself. A few seconds ago, she seemed to enjoy herself but now, it feels like she's crumbling right in front of our eyes. Except, I'm the only one who seems to notice it, they're too busy playing this now stupid game. I like to think that Nols kissed Cam Cameron because of the drugs but I also like to lie to myself. I know the drugs have nothing to do with this, she's hurting. Clearly. When we talked earlier, I could see in her eyes that she didn't want to give up on college. When we were young, it was all she could look forward to, going off to Columbia, just like her dad did.

In those times, she reminds me a lot of Conrad, putting the weight of the world on her shoulders as if she dared to ask help, it would come crashing down. But saving the house shouldn't mean giving up on everything she worked for, for the past four years. Plus, Princeton and Columbia are not that far away, it could also mean not returning to a life where she isn't there, and I think I'd like that. It might be selfish on my part but I've rarely thought about Noelle those last few years yet now, she's weirdly all I can think about. Perhaps by blocking her out of my mind, I was protecting myself but I can't do it anymore, not when she's back in Cousins, at the beach house... with us. She's always just been my best friends' cousin who we spend our summers with but last night, when she got out of that pool, that's when I realized how much time had passed, how much she had changed. I guess those feelings were always kind of there but I never understood them until her body collided with mine. It wasn't the same as when we were thirteen years old, the feelings have grown into something bigger, deeper and perhaps even warmer. I still don't understand them though but I do when I'm with Taylor. It's easy with her, we've known each other for our whole lives and not by only spending time together during summers. Up until recently, we went to the same school, she's always around at home. It just makes sense and even if she has a boyfriend now, I know she always had a soft spot for me, we even kissed last year. So why do I have this gut-twisting sensation in my stomach ever since Nols caught us almost kissing again? And why do I want to punch Cam Cameron right now? No one wants or will ever want to punch this guy, it's... Cam. Too sweet and goofy Cam.

Taylor yawns, snapping me out of my mind and we all take it as our cue to call it a night. It's been a long and exhausting day, it almost feels like we've lived through three different ones in a matter of a few hours. I walk up the small hill, following behind the group as I spot Cam helping Nols sitting down on one of the blanket before lying down next to her. I can feel my eyebrows slowly knit together when I suddenly sense a presence next to me and I turn my head to see Jeremiah, staring the same way as I previously did. Without looking my direction, he says, "What was it that you were saying last night?" He pauses, meeting my eyes as a smirk tug at the corners of his mouth. "You snooze, you lose?" Jere presses his lips together before patting me on the back and leaving me speechless. Just the thought of 'losing' Noelle makes my blood boil and my heart pace faster. I don't know what's happening to me and most importantly, I don't know how Jere figured it out before I even did. Did Noelle talk to him? But now is not the time to figure it out, so I shake the thoughts out of my head and go sit by an almost-asleep and very high Taylor.