𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐬

δεκατέσσερα -

⋆·˚ ༘ *the floating lights⋆·˚ ༘ *

-.. .- -..

dear diary,

He's started again, I can feel his negative energy all around me. Is it awful for me to want to say that I wish our relationship was better? I think I might genuinely be crazy because when he first showed up I really thought I would have a chance at being normal, being the father-daughter duo but I guess old habits die hard, right? It just sucks, he's draining me and I don't know how much I'll be able to take.

I'm grateful for Daniel though, he's been one of the only things motivating me to keep pushing even though that's the last thing I want to do. I'm also grateful for HQ and the boys, not to mention Kimi and Seb along with their wives but I'm scared.

I fought with Daniel and I wonder if he'll return. It was stupid of me to not tell Lando but I don't want to hurt his feeling. I know I shouldn't but I feel like I owe him.

Things weren't that awesome when we were messing around but he still cared. He cared about me and so does Daniel. I bet Zack hates me right now, especially because of the tension I've managed to create between their drivers. Stupid me, causing chaos as usual, stupid me, being... me.

I just hope this isn't the start of my career going downhill. I love Alpine and I'm not going to let some guy who happens to be my father take that away from me. The only dad I have is Kimi, no one else, I can only pray that I am protected from this negativity and I can enjoy the Russian weather before leaving for Turkey.

                       DANIEL HAD READ HER DIARY ENTREES ALMOST a million times. He almost knew every word. It was killing him, the absence of his girlfriend had created a void that not even alcohol can close, not that he took it either way, he couldn't bring himself to.

He was on the porch of his Australian home kudos to the mid summer break and it was worse, especially with talk of McLaren signing a new talent without his knowledge. Scotty was on his way to the house and a few hours ago, he just finished a conference call with Zach and his team including Daniel's team so it was only a matter of time until he made an announcement on Instagram.

He felt sick to his stomach. He didn't even know if it was the cars fault or his own but every bit of him felt like it was completely his fault. He let Maya's disappearance get to him, he messed up big time, and he could say goodbye to any chances of winning a WDC. Right now, everything was standstill.

"Oi mate, stare any longer into the distance and I might think you've got some cameras around or something, how'd it go? You look rooted."

"Well at the end of the season, I am no longer an F1 driver so..."

"So it's true? They really did you dirty like that?"

"It was bound to happen, I wasn't living up to their expectations. This year has been horrible, I can't say I'm not devo."

"It'll get better mate, you've literally gone through so much in the past few months, they can't blame you for not being okay."

"Yeah, but I should be able to keep my head in the game." He finally yells, exasperated. He puts his face in his hands and silence follows for a while.

"Don't be too hard on yourself mate, how's the search going?"

"Well the P. I. isn't finding anything, almost as if she vanished. I'm going to meet her mother and Carlos before going to Netherland so I just hope there's some type of improvement there."