TRIGGER WARNING: the following chapter may offend some readers' sensibilities.
My throat was so tight I felt like I was going to choke on my sadness.
My tears, so abundant that they blurred my vision, burned my skin as they froze on my face from the icy January wind.
My whole body was shaking violently, but I didn't know if it was from the cold, the fatigue or the overflow of emotions ravaging my heart and mind.
My fingernails were so deeply embedded in the flesh of my palms that I could feel blood seeping from my skin and dripping down my fingers to my knuckles, ending up in the snow.
The funeral had already been over for many hours, but as soon as my parents had taken me home, I'd pretended to need some fresh air and had run back to the cemetery, as if coming back here would bring Touya Todoroki back to life.
He'd always been right about that: I really was a dumbass.
His face came cruelly to mind as I reread for the umpteenth time, through the haze of my tears, the epitaph that adorned his tombstone.
Here lies Touya Todoroki
Beloved son of Enji and Rei
Cherished brother of Fuyumi, Natsuo and Shouto
Forever in our hearts
What an odious lie!
Beloved son, eh?
His bastard of a father hadn't even had the decency to respect the usual delays of Japanese funeral rites, since he had buried the urn containing Touya's remains in the family vault barely five days after his death, as if he couldn't wait to get rid of it! Even my parents had been shocked! What an abominable lack of respect! Everyone knew you had to keep an urn at home for forty-nine days, damn it!
Oh, of course, to appear in the best possible light, Enji had hurried to install a Buddhist altar in effigy of Touya in the house, but this was just a crude decoy, an underhand trick designed to mislead any visitors, to make the whole world believe that the famous Endeavor was in mourning. On top of all that, I was willing to bet that Rei wasn't even aware yet that she'd just lost one of her sons, since nobody was ever going to visit her!
And Enji had dared to have those hypocritical words engraved on the tombstone!? That little... piece of shit! That horrible son of a bitch!
I was about to explode.
Unable to stop myself, I collapsed miserably onto my knees, sobbing bitterly and moaning in pain, feeling my stomach twist horribly. It hurt.
Far too much.
"Da... Dabi..." I sobbed between hiccups. "Forg... forgive... me..."
Yes, it was all Endeavor's fault that his son had died, but I was also partly to blame.
Because that night, I had abandoned him.
I had left him alone with his hopes and dreams, when I knew full well that he was deluding himself into believing that the man who claimed to be his father would come.
If I'd stayed with him...
If I hadn't encouraged him to wait for his father, when I had told him I was sure he would come...
If I'd listened to the bad feeling that had suddenly gnawed at my guts...
If I'd had the courage to stay after giving him a kiss...
Touya would never have died.
**
On Touya's side – Six days earlier
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Blue Madness (Touya/Dabi x Reader)
FanfictionShe lived in the light, he lived in the shadows. She was gentle and friendly, he was fiery and solitary. She was altruistic and generous, he was passionate and dreamy. She became a shadow of her former self, he became a raving lunatic. She is now di...
