The Benefits- Jikook

Chapter 60: Transition

Jimin was his light. Jimin was his joy. Jimin was his assurance that he never needed to be alone. With Jimin, it's no longer lonely. Friendship was important to Jungkook. Too important because being alone was extremely scary.

Without Jimin, Jungkook wouldn't be able to live. That's what he believed. It can be said that Park took care of Jungkook more than Jeon at a very young age of 6 -10. Countless sleepovers when his parents were too busy.

Jeon's household was pretty quiet, and young Jungkook needed the attention he didn't get enough. There were some years that the Jeon couple did not get along. Jungkook was in that situation where they were almost getting a divorce. Some people believe that if the couple were friends before, they will last as a couple, but for Jungkook, he has proof. That's not it.

It was painful to watch his father go heartbroken, and his mom was crying. They didn't talk to each other for a week. The atmosphere felt haunted. They did fight right in front of him. That's also one of the reasons why Jungkook did stay at Park a lot during that time. Those crescent eyes and rosy cheeks distracted him from all the complications.

'If we divorce each other, mom and dad would still be your parents. We're still going to be good friends.'

That's what his parents told him. Fortunately, love was still there, and Jungkook's parents worked things out. They also got called out by Park's parents for not giving Jungkook enough attention. It's fortunate that they were willing to give Jungkook time and attention. The parents did compensate by giving time, showing love and showering attention for Jungkook during his teenage years.

Teenage years were not the time where Jungkook was with his parents. Jungkook was being proved that he's loved, but of course, some anger from those years would come up with time. The anger from being abandoned, and that anger mixed up with how he felt around Jimin when his puberty finally hit.

No, no way Jungkook was going to be any other than friends with Jimin. His parents did work it out on their marriage, but imagine being in that haunted situation with Jimin. Jungkook wouldn't pursue it because having a friend is much more important. Park Jimin is his friend for life.

That idea came off as extreme as if Jungkook would die if their status changed from friendship to something else. He knew by heart that Jimin wouldn't leave him as a friend because friendship is about accepting each other.

When the thoughts of pursuing Jimin came to his mind, it would be stopped by some examples close to him. His aunty and uncle who got divorced. Parents' friends who said they will be able to be friends after, but ended up they couldn't be around each other after that. People can't be friends after their divorce.

With time, Bogum hyung became that one person who he can talk with about many things. Deeper things too. Jungkook started to trust Bogum more and more. The man is sensitive and genuine. His hyung is such a caring person. He checked up on Jungkook with things. The man wasn't scared to show his feelings. Something Jungkook was not comfortable with.

After many meals they went together, Jungkook finally opened up about things that happened with Jimin.

The older friend asked some questions from childhood. Jungkook got to know that the man is into psychology, and from talking to him, Jungkook got to learn more things about himself.

After that first heartbreak, Jungkook lost confidence. He didn't believe that he's a lovable person. Jungkook didn't think the real him was so charming. Jimin put up with him because he was his friend, but as a lover, Jungkook was not at all sure.

What was even his personality? when mostly his mind was clouded by that fear of abandonment. Jungkook got to understand that the anger came from fear of losing Jimin when Jimin was close to someone else.

The younger Jeon also developed that manipulative personality because being rejected hurt. Bogum said it can come from being rejected by his parents during those haunted periods which Jungkook didn't want to believe would affect him so much.

HIs fear ruined everything.

He took care of Jimin. That's one thing he told Bogum, but Bogum also gave him a question to think about. Did he do it because he wanted to do so? Or did he do it because he wanted Jimin to rely on him and be stuck with him?

The younger man was being confronted with how he couldn't reveal to Jimin his true and genuine feelings because of his fear, and yet Jungkook had never been willing to let Jimin go.

It was a rude awakening about himself.

So rude. Jungkook didn't know what else to do. He believed that he lost Jimin forever as best friend. Don't even think about being a lover. There's no chance. The chance was gone ever since Jimin told him he had sex with Ray. The name Jungkook would never forget, and anything in his life related to that name triggered him.

That drunken night. The same night where Bogum helped get into his apartment. It was after Jungkook got to know that Jimin got along well with Ray. Jungkook decided to block Jimin after that.

Such a child.

Jungkook didn't have the balls to pull Jimin back. He friendzoned Jimin so much. They got back to being friends during that period of time, but knowing that Jimin was doing good with someone else was hurting too much to continue talking with Jimin. Jungkook did not want to know more about it. He didn't know how to deal with that.

The young male only told Bogum later when things seemed to be impossible to be fixed. After that, there was a period of time that Jungkook would drown himself with work. Drink at night. Get someone to fuck the feelings away. And repeat. Bogum made sure Jungkook knew he's there. The older male didn't stop Jungkook but reminded Jungkook to care about his safety, health and responsibility.

'Hyung, I want to be a better person. I want to be a caring and genuine person like you. Is it possible? Or is it too late? Where do I start?'

These sentences came a few years after Jungkook's rude awakening. The younger male did not take action to work on himself. It came right after Jungkook heard the news about his fake marriage with Jimin.

The young Jeon didn't know he would get a chance, but his hope went up higher when Jimin and him got closer and closer until that night they had sex. Jungkook, who's been hanging out with Bogum, started to learn how to be more caring. Started to learn to give cuddles and got rejected. Learned how to take rejection more lightly. Learned how to control his anger when it was painful. It sounds stupid, but it did take some courage to even give a hug or give compliments.

Totally worth it.

Those crescent eyes and rosy cheeks still hit him very hard. Never wanted to lose Jimin ever again. He got the answer too. About that question where Bogum asked whether he took care of Jimin for Jimin or for himself, Jungkook got to learn that it was both, and he will try his best to not let his habit get in the way.

There are things that Jungkook should have done a long time ago.

He was a coward, but he won't be anymore. Jungkook can't be so sure whether Jimin would come back to his arm, but not trying is the worst thing. Jungkook has been escaping and suppressing. With time, the young man will try even if it's extremely hard to fight with his own egos that came from the pain in the past.

For Jimin, he will.

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End of chapter

A/N: I'm back. I took a really long break. I know. How have you been? Please vote and comment to cheer me up.