Shut Up and Review

╰┈➤ Blind Critique 2023 || Scenes 4, 5, 6, 8 & 9

Scene 4: Denyefa4

Wow! What a vividly described scene. I'd love to know what's happening in this story. As a hook, this is a really strong one and I'm automatically wondered what's been going on here. That's the job of a writer. Create a hook and the readers will keep reading and then you've done your job well
"This is so sad right off the bat! There's some vivid imagery here and I immediately empathize and worry for the MC. I noticed a small typo in ""work tool"" there may need to be a 's' at the end. "
good intrigue in this scene. I do think some bits could be modified a tiny bit to evoke more emotion and use more showing, especially in the first paragraph.

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What the hell??? Not that it isn't written well, and that one can't imagine themselves in this situation. But... do we really want to? Unless a bolt of lightning strikes this aunt down for getting ready to torture a helpless victim she is even related to, I wouldn't want to read on.

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Great use of describing the scene here I can picture it in my mind. I can also feel some of the fear that the character is feeling here.

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Okayy, I'm not a fan of uhh- whatever it is, but this gave me chills all over. I don't really have anything much to suggest for this one except to add more descriptions to it again.

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Whoa, wonder what happened for the aunt to go to this extreme. What could be added are some description on how the character feels physically, such as maybe their heart is jack-hammering in their chest or the cold sweat of fear.

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"First things first, I hate her aunt. Second, if this is the opening, then it sure one heck of a hook!

The only thing that stuck out to me is the last sentence of the first paragraph. She said that 'she could sense her arms and legs tied to a solid surface' and 'she was left hanging on the wall...' Here, it's clear that the solid surface is the wall, so mentioning it only once as 'wall' is enough and she already *knows* that her wrists and ankles are chained, so the 'I could sense...' part doesn't really make sense. I'd suggest rewording this one."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Scene Five Evelynfrost23

Well there's some large sentences going on in this scene and I will admit is rather difficult to read as it is lacking in adequate punctuation. To make this easier to read I suggest breaking some of the huge sentences up into shorter ones. The hook is ok, but I don't think it's strong enough at the moment. I don't see any clues as to what this story is about but with the Shakespearean quote at the beginning it does give me the impression of a historical genre, maybe Romance. If this isn't the vibe you're going for then perhaps a rewrite is due

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I like the premise and the flowing, emotive prose. Theres some punctuation misuse and run on sentences. You may also wish to consider rearranging some sentences for easier flow and clearer syntax.

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It's a good start. Lots of narration, which is totally fine! I think it's a good set up for a love story and it works well to not jump into the action immediately.
"""To be or to not"" is not a question, at least not a grammatically correct one. (Maybe you were referring to Shakespeare's famous ""To Be or Not To Be"" - not a question either though.) Aside from that, it is refreshing that the part does not start right away with the characters, but actually gives a little to think about before the actual story starts."
I can really tell that Astrid has been through a lot with Ryan due to how well this has been described. The end of this scene makes me really wonder what she is going to do next.