reticent

66

     "Why?"

     "Because you don't know how to protect yourself." He tells me.

     "I can learn."

     "The gala is on Wednesday, Amalia, that isn't enough time." He tells me, his voice holding a hint of finality. "You can stay here, where it's safe, and maybe you can go to the next one once you properly know how to defend yourself. We're not gonna be able to keep an eye on you all night."

     I clench my fists at my sides, then stand up. "Whatever, I'm going." I say, walking over to the door. Elijah says my name, but I ignore him and pull the handle. As I'm about to step outside, I say: "and I'm not going to some stupid therapy appointment!"

I rush up the stairs, and when I get to my room I slam the door and lock it, going into my bathroom and quickly wiping the makeup off my face. I take my clothes off, replacing them with sweatpants and a t-shirt. I'm about to climb into bed when a sudden chill passes over me, so I put Archers hoodie back on.

A knock sounds on the wood of my door a few moments later, but I ignore it. Then Cole's words reach me. "Let me in." He orders.

I don't respond.

"Amalia," he says, sighing as his voice becomes more gentle. "Let me in, please."

I turn away from my door, taking my phone off the bedside table and perking up a little when I see that I've got a message from Archer waiting for me.

ARCHER: We're leaving at one, do you wanna come to breakfast with Ally and I at nine?

I reply:

ME: Okay, where?

ARCHER: You can pick.

ME: How about the cafe by the cinema?

ARCHER: Okay.

ME: I can meet you guys there.

ARCHER: Alright, see you then. I love you.

ME: Love you too.

Coles voice penetrates the small cocoon of peace I've made for myself in the past few seconds. "Amalia, unlock the door!"

I set my phone on the bedside table before getting comfortable in the bed again. I close my eyes, reopening them when Cole knocks on the door.

"Amalia." He says again. "If you're going to bed, that's fine, but keep your door unlocked." When I don't say anything again, he rattles the door handle, "Amalia!"

"Stop," I hear Masons muffled voice say. I can't decipher Cole's reply, but I am able to hear the sound of him walking away. Then Mason talks to me. "Amalia, can you open the door for me please?"

I wrap the covers tighter around me, turning my head into the pillow. I don't want to talk or see anybody right now. I just want to go to sleep.

So that's what I do.

•

I wake up at seven a.m. the next morning, exhausted. But I drag myself out of bed and take a quick shower, brushing my teeth and popping an anti-rejection pill into my mouth—swallowing it with distaste—before I get ready at my desk. Once my hair is all dry, I work on applying light makeup to my face, where it really needs it. Finally, I pick an outfit and by the time I'm dressed I have half an hour until I need to be at the cafe.

I debate wether or not I should ask somebody to take me, then decide against it. I can walk there and get some fresh air.

I walk downstairs quietly, incase anybody is awake, and send a quick message to my dad to let him know where I'm going. I dart out of the house with haste, then make my way to the cafe.