BLOOD ON MY HANDS || Finnick Odair

twenty seven; the 20th.

He was near the perimeter fence now; a massive feat of electrified chain fence and coils of barbed wire. He followed it a few meters and then, at a patch of dirt, he stopped.

Grass had begun to grow over it during the ends of summer and all of fall, but everything had died in the winter freeze. The ground was hard beneath his feet. He wouldn't be able to dig his way out if he tried.

But Eden wasn't here to run.

Instead, he put a blanket down on the fallen tree half a dozen feet away, then settled himself down as well. Once he was comfortable he wrapped himself in more blankets and ensured Cissy was kept entirely in warmth.

For weeks now, Eden had been dreading today.

On February 1st, the realization of what was coming had settled in. On the 7th, he and tried to figure out what he could do to make it easier. On the 14th, he hadn't left his bed. On the 18th, he had gone numb completely.

Now, on the early morning of February 20th, Eden wasn't sure what he was feeling.

It was a mixture of love and longing. Sadness. Loneliness. He spent much of his walk caught up in wistful thought, and the memories came more and more frequently until he was sitting on the tree.

For a long time February 20th had been celebrated with small gifts and a home-made cake. A nice meal, good conversation, and warmth.

But now, it was hard to celebrate Flora's birthday when she was dead.

Eden's original plan was to sleep through the day, to send Cissy over to Gloria and abandon the world for twenty four hours as it had abandoned him all these months. But that wasn't good enough. Flora deserved better than that.

She deserved more.

So last night Eden went into town and bought a small cupcake. It was Flora's favourite; chocolate filled with a strawberry jam and topped with cream cheese frosting. The baker had tried waving the cost but Eden just paid him double and left.

For now it would stay in the container in his bag until he was ready. Cissy grumbled in his lap. He held her tighter as he stared at the words carved into the crown of the small gravestone.

Flora Flint
Beloved daughter, partner, and friend.
A mother in the sky to her
child on the ground.

It had been quite a few months since Eden had last been here. The last time he had, the stone had been blank. Violet and Arlie must've come out here some time ago, and gotten it in the ground before freezing.

He took in a sharp breath and held his baby tighter. "This is where we come to visit Momma," he told her softly. "We can't see her, but she can see us."

Cissy gargled into his chest, making sounds that were similar to words but not quite there yet. The doctors in the Capitol said she was growing perfectly, and though they had adjusted her formula intake for the first month of her life to increase nutrition, she was unlikely to have any issues with it in the future.

It was comforting to know that all of the horrible things he'd done were at least worth it.

Eden absently ran a finger up and down the length of Cissy's back, which had her wriggling before she finally settled. She was still awake and making sounds in her throat. Gloria said she would be learning how to pull herself up onto her feet soon, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that. Gramps said he never would be.

The months that had gone by passed in an empty, timeless way. Sometimes it made every day seem three times as long. Others, they went by in a blur. Sometimes, they were strung together in a heavy daze.