Angel's Temptation | BTS TAEHYUNG

Chapter 43: The trial of Life

My days became darker after everything that happened in school between us, Y/N. It was torture all over again, but even then, I endured it while waiting for him. It never occurred to me how you must have felt, the pain you endured because of me. I never realized that we were both victims of a sick man who used us for his benefits.

I knew who Kim Taehyung was and I was aware of their plan. I always thought what you did to me was worse, but perhaps what I did was also bad. Was it? I never physically hurt you, and you did, but sometimes it even felt good. I had a reason to be the victim. With Kai, I couldn't.

Until Jimin came into my life and I experienced love, real love as I thought, for the first time like I never did before. It wasn't the twisted darkness I had once mistaken for love, it was something far greater. With him, there was no need to pretend or prove myself. I felt secure and so much at peace. He never raised his hands at me, he never disrespected me verbally. He kissed my wounds without asking into their origins. He stood by me like a pillar of strength, defending me before the entire school. He was so brave and strong in my eyes—qualities I had never truly seen in any guy until he walked into my life.

I thought I finally won against you until that one evening when you destroyed my reality. I'm not writing this to say you're guilty and accuse you, because you're not guilty of anything anymore Y/N. But that night when he kissed you in front of me, it was like a dagger being slowly pushed into my heart. I got it, you let me taste my own medicine.

After Jongin came back I went back to old patterns, this time he was scarier than ever before. I allowed him to hit me, wound me and destroy me completely.

After Jongin returned, I fell back into old patterns. This time, he was scarier than ever before. I allowed him to hit me, wound me and utterly destroy me. I'm so scared Y/N. I'm hearing voices. I'm hearing his voice, how he threatens me to pour acid on my whole body. I can't remember the last time I slept peacefully.

I want to tell you something i've never told anyone before because i was so ashamed of it.
That night I didn't obey him because i was so tired of everything. Do you know what he did after slapping me so hard across the face that my ear started bleeding? He pulled his pants down and started urinating on me. He destroyed my whole dignity in one night and in that very moment i finally gave up on life.

I heard what happened to you in that hut. That night, reality struck me. We could have helped and supported each other in countless ways but we didn't. We both wanted revenge but not from the man who caused everything. Why?

I'm writing you my final words because i guess you're the only one who can understand me.
You're the only one who knows how it feels when Kim Jongin destroys the innocence of a girl.
I'm drowning in depression Y/N.
I sometimes want to live but he has destroyed me beyond repair. Everything hurts. Mentally and physically. Even beyond that. I can't even hear with one of my ears anymore. My ribs are damaged, and I don't have the money for treatment.
He has destroyed me beyond repair and some things can't be fixed anymore, I guess.
I hope you were able to heal the wounds I couldn't.
I hope you caress the scars I couldn't.
Forgive me for everything I did to you.
I forgave you too Y/N.
Fight for us because I couldn't.
Talk because I couldn't.
Win this case because I couldn't.

I'm saying it here, Yes Kim Jongin has raped me too, he hit me to death and was ready to kill me if I didn't escape in time."