Chapter 12

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Sasha Pov

I put the phone between my ear and shoulder as I answered Hope’s call while trying to lock the door. We finally got everything moved in. We celebrated my birthday alone in the apartment, and I could’ve been happier.
“Hey Hope, wassup.”
“Bitch, A.J throwing a party in the hood tonight. Are you coming?”
It always amazed me how Hope always wanted to go to these things but will never talk to a guy. Whenever they try she would withdraw and walk away.
“Uh. I don’t know Hope. I have to spend all day at this damn college orientation thing.”
“Just do it online. That’s what I’m doing.”
“Shit, I didn’t know you could do it online.”
“So will you come.”
“Hope, why you’re always wanting to go to these things. You never talk to anyone but your friends.”
“I don’t know. Hoping I’ll get the courage one day.” She sounded so lost and hopeless.
“It’ll get better, Hope. I’ll go with you. Tommy is working all night, I think. Pick you up at 9?”
“Bet. I’ll be ready. One other thing. Your cousin is about to get the business if she keeps talking shit about you.”
“What she’s saying. I have no idea what her problem is.”
“I don’t know, but she’s around here like all the other hoodrats tryna diagnose you and Tommy’s relationship. What the fuck is wrong with them. It’s none of their business. One thang about it and two thangs for show. They will keep your name out they mouth. Trifling hoes.”
“No doubt. I will see you later.” I hung up with her. I drove to my mama house.
She was out front on the porch. “Mom, where’s Deasia.”
“She’s not here.”
I turn to go back to my car. “Hold on a minute. She came down off the porch and walked up to me. She grabbed my wrist. “Lemme get this bracelet. My lights about to get cut off. I need to sell this.”
I snatched my wrist from her. “Mom, I can’t do that. Tommy will kill me and would do the same to you. You want to get us both murdered.”
“He doesn’t have to know. Tell him you lost it.” 
“Mom. I can’t.”
“Girl, all the shit I’ve done for you. You better give me that fucking bracelet.”
“Ok, so what have you done? You’re on HUD because of us. You get income for us. You get food stamps. It seems that me and Deasia have been taking care of you.”
“I’m your fucking mother. You owe me.”
“I can’t give you this. You want to see Tommy. He’s coming straight here. Let me figure out something. I’ll get the money from him somehow.”
I went back to my car and drove off. You would think my mother is on drugs or something. Nope. She’s just bad with money, which makes her greedy for it. She’s too materialistic for her income. She goes out and gets expensive car notes. She gets furniture from rental stores. And her biggest problem is that she drinks. She buys bottles of expensive wine all the time.
I went home and got into Tommy and my stash. I pulled some money from it. I took it to my mother. I know Tommy will be pissed when he finds out. But that’s my mother. She has a genetic hold over me. I can’t just abandon her.
I still decided to drive to my college orientation. After I’m officially enrolled, I will see if I can get a job at the school. I need to find a way to pay that money back from the stash. I also need a way to help my mom. I’ve tried time and time again to cut my mother off. But sometimes it seems that my mother is really slow, like she doesn’t have it  all up there. She refused to evolve. To grow in the slightest. I’ve tried to teach her a lesson by cutting off. It never worked with her. She will sink, go all the way down if no one helps her. She won’t fight at all for herself. She’ll just beg from the system and owe money to everyone around her until someone feels sorry for her or cuts her off.
She needs help. In more ways than one. What should I expect? Her mother did the same thing and so on and so forth. I see everyday what Tommy be saying. I have to break this generational curse. Starting with me. I will do better with the generation to come. Starting at getting a degree or at the very least a trade.
I stayed there longer than I should have. I was rushing to get home so I could dress for A.J’s party. After a quick bath I put on some short leather shorts, a white sheer see-through shirt. It was kind of long in the front so I tied it up. I put a red bra under it and put on some red heels as well. I grabbed my crossbody coach purse and left the house.  I sent Tommy a text telling him where I’ll be.
I headed to Hope’s house. I rolled my eyes as she left the house in a short leather skirt. Hope and I have the same body build. We were short and slim thick. She’s an African Latina. To put it mildly, Hope is beautiful. That red lipstick she has on is popping. Her long curly black hair is in thick curls falling all around her shoulders.
When she got in I smiled. “You look beautiful bitch or whatever,” I said then giggled.
She giggled in return. “I was just about to say the same. You look fine as fuck. I’m sick of you always tryna show off that damn six pack that you didn’t work hard at all to get. I see what God do for others.”
We both giggled. 
“You better untie the front of that shirt and let it drop beforeTommy sees your ass.”
“Girl, I’m grown. Tommy don’t run nothing but his mouth.
“We’ll see.”
I pulled off and headed to the party.
When we got there it was in full swing. I see Deasia and go to her. “What’s your problem? You couldn’t be bothered to show up for my graduation. What’s wrong with you? You won’t even return my texts or calls.”
“I’m just tired of you running around the ghetto acting like you’re all that. Just because Tommy buys you everything don’t make you better than nobody.”
“So you mad at me because of what Tommy does. Like you said, we’re in the ghetto. None of us have shit. We all trying to make it out.”
“Naw bitch. You ain’t’ in the ghetto no more. That nigga done bought you a fucking brownstone.”
“You know what. I see you just another hating ass bitch. My own fucking cousin.” I shook my head. “ It really do be your own people.” I walked off and went to join my friends. Well not all of them because some of them hoes are over there with Deasia’s stupid ass.
We walked out back in the backyard. Men are out there trying to holla at me. Some of them is still bold ass fuck. They know at this point how Tommy is.
“Hey Sasha. Hold up a minute.”
“Renzo, boy bye.”
“Man, you’re an African queen. Why you let that spic ass ni*** tell you what to do.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”  I hate when they talk about Tommy like that. They must have forgotten that I’m also a mixed breed. As a matter of fact, I don’t look all that black. You could tell I’m mixed though by the color of my skin and the texture of my hair. 
“Then why do you let him control you like that?”
“He has my best interest at heart. Let’s be clear. I know why you want to talk to me so he isn’t exactly wrong.”
“Man whatever.” He walked off. I know what they all want from me. They want to fuck me to hold it over Tommy’s head. Tommy said it and I believe it. But on the other hand, I made my way over to Lequan. He’s the one man in the hood that hasn’t ever tried to hit on me. He’s in his second year of college. He was leaning against the wall smoking.
“Hey shorty,” he said when I got close to him and smiled.
“Hey Lequan.”
“You sho know how to work them dimples, don’t cha. Whatcha up to, ma.”
“Nothing. Just out and about. Hope wanted to come here.”
He got a phone call. He hit the answer button. “Hey shorty. I’mma get up with you aiiight.”
“Ok, see ya later.”
“Bet.”
I heard an uproar. I already know what that means. Him and his boys have made it.  I thought Tommy had to work all night.
I was walking back in but I got stopped by Hope. “Hey luv. My foster mother needs me for something important. She’s outside. Can I get up with you later?”
“Yeah sure. Call me later and let me know that everything is good.” I kissed her cheek.
“Ok, I will.” 
I walked back into the house. I see Tommy and his boys shaking hands and dabbing everyone. I held my breath as a female came up to Tommy. I released it when he ignored her and started looking around for me.
When he spotted me he smiled. I smiled back. His eyes became hooded. I rolled my eyes. The man is insatiable. He has taken me in every inch of our apartment. I started to ache when I think about it. I guess I’m insatiable as well. I should have given myself to him years ago. Well I tried on more than one occasion. He wouldn’t hear of it at first. He came to me and kissed me. He stuck his tongue in my mouth. I moaned and wrapped my arm around him.
When he released me I was breathing heavily against his lips. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I said.  
“Didn’t I tell you I wanted you at home tonight.”
“I know, Tommy. But Hope wanted to come. Then she just ditched me. I was about to leave and go home.”
“So you didn’t understand what I said.” He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “You know you will be punished, right?” To an on-looker, the gesture looks loving. But I hoped no one saw my slight shiver. Tommy is so possessive. He scares me sometimes. He literally controls my every move. He said the only time I listen is when he pulls out his belt. I hate when he gets like that. He treats me like a child. Weeks ago something happened to Tommy. He changed. I don’t even think he sees it. It’s like I see more and more bloodlust in his eyes. Like he’s waiting for someone to slip up so they can fuck around and find out what he’s about. I saw it in his eyes that night that Rodrick was popping off at the mouth about having sex with me. Tommy wanted to kill him. I wasn’t defending Rodrick. I panicked because I knew that if Tommy killed him he would go to jail forever.
When I calmed my racing heart, I said, “I’ll leave, Tommy.”
“Naw, let’s enjoy this night. You’re already here. The damage and disobedience has been done. You want a drink.”
I nodded.
He grabbed my shirt and untied the knot so my shirt could drop down and cover my stomach then he left and went towards the kitchen. I made my way inside the house and leaned against the wall. I had a clear view of him inside the kitchen, so I saw when Deasia took her trifling ass over there in his face. Tommy was mixing and shaking up my drink. He reached back for a red solo cup and she duck under his arm and got all in his face.
At this point I was done watching. I was getting ready to walk over there but Tommy grabbed her arm and growled something in her face. He threw her away from him. I looked away as he came over to me. “Here bae. I’ll let you drink this one because you get extra horny when you drink.”
“Tommy, I do not,” I gasped out and slapped his arm.
“Yeah, you do. You get really creative.”
We were both laughing and talking against the wall when it got silent because Petro and his crew walked in. I prayed to God that nothing happens. Why is he here? There’s no one here his age. I think he’s well into his 30’s. Everyone makes it a point to keep him and Tommy out of the same space. With his crew and Tommy’s crew. It would be a bloodbath. 
So I was confused when I saw Tommy smile right before he took a sip from my cup. I see him nod to Nan’s ugly ass. I can’t stand him.
Petro came up to Tommy. “Look at who we have here. I see you have come a long way from when I used to beat your ass. Oh and by the way. Your mama says hi.”
Tommy’s answer was to chuckle. “I see you the same oh same oh broke Petro. You seriously still live in the project with your mama, damn.”  
Before Petro could say a word. T-Cat, Kool and Mike were there with their guns out.
Then I started hearing people say Narc all over the party. Everyone’s phone beeped with a notification. So did mine. I opened my social media page. It was a video of Petro talking to a bunch of white guys. The guys didn’t have on uniforms but you could clearly see that they were police officers. Why would he talk to the cops?
“Ni*** you a snitch,” someone in the crowd said.  All the homies from the hood started to advance on him. Even Petro’s crew shook their heads and walked away.
“I ain’t no fucking snitch. I don’t know what the fuck ya’ll talking about.”
“I can clear up the confusion for you since you don’t even have a phone. I thought you sold dope and was the biggest dope boy around here.” Tommy chuckled as he turned his phone around and let Petro see the video. 
“What the fuck.” He spinned around the whole room, seeing angry faces. A lot of these people probably went to jail because of him. The only ones snickering was Tommy’s crew.
“Ni***, you set me up.” He turned to Tommy with evil eyes.
“I didn’t do shit to your snitching ass. You better leave and never come back because going by the look on everyone’s faces, you’re seconds away from taking a dirt nap.”
Petro ran through the back patio door. Hopped the fence and left.
I was in shock when Tommy turned to T-Cat and Mike and said, “make it look like an accident.”
I snapped my neck to him. “Tommy! What are you saying? Did you just order a hit?”
“Keep your voice down. Let’s go.”
Suddenly I was scared. “No I-I….”
He grabbed my arm then dragged me from the house. “Tommy, stop it. I want to go to my moms’ house.”
“No, you’re coming home.”
I grabbed my phone quickly then started to dial.
“No Tommy. Stop it!”
He had that scary look in his eyes again as he dragged me to his car. He just ordered Nan and T-Cat to kill Petro. I’m scared. Did they set Petro up like he said? Is this gang violence or drug violence. I want to know but I know Tommy won’t talk to me about it. 
When she answered the phone I was relieved. “Ms. Pam. Can I come to your house?” Tommy stopped dead in his tracks. He turned to me with a deadly look in his eyes.
I put her on speaker.
“Yeah, where’s Tommy.”
“He’s here. C-can you t-tell him.”
“I ain’t got to tell Tommy nothing. Come on.”
“Bye.” I took a deep breath and swallowed and tried to beat back tears.
“Go.” I ran to my car and pulled off. Who the fuck is Tommy lately.

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