Finally, some common sense

~20~

Raymond's POV:

I don't know how nor when but I got kidnapped. Last thing I did was go to sleep. You see, I was quite the heavy sleeper and even Jamie had troubles waking me up but this was a bit out of the blue. The only reason why I woke up was because of someone throwing or chucking a cup of ice cold water in my face.

Me: THE HECK! ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY!

There my anger went out and I immediately closed my eyes and started to pray once again. It helped me calm down whenever I would cite down something from the bible which was why I liked to be a pastor.

Me: Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.

???: Oh, you are such a weirdo-

Me: Who's that?

I only now looked where I was and honestly I had no idea where I was. This was definitely a room in the church but I didn't really know where exactly. This was like a bit of a bigger place for a church and it had a garden and a seperate small building in it.

Me: What do you want with me?

???: I want you to hand over those kids!

It still didn't seem that I knew this person because it was too dark to actually look at the person but the sound of their voice gave them away. This was definitely Count Olaf. That idiot somehow managed to kidnap me and I really would have loved to actually slap my own face about now.

How did this happen?

Am I really such a heavy sleeper?

Dang it!

I am a morning person but you can't actually wake me up...

The fuck!

Me: I don't have them.

???: Stop lying to me!

Me: I don't. Or do you see the kids with me doctor genius.

???: I said stop lying!

Me: I don't lie. There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

???: Will you shut up!?

Me: Oh then make me stop!

???: Motherfu- *slaps him* will you shut up now?!

The moment he slapped me, I fell down from the chair where I was tied up and this idiot of a Count then grabbed me by my hair to put me to sit up again. It really hurt but right now, I couldn't do anything else besides pray to the lord for this to stop.

Me: For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.

???: Oh my- dude will you stop it with the bible verses?!

Jamie: I think it gives him character.

The door was kicked down and guess what? My dear friend came to save the damsel in distress aka me. Well I would fight if I had anything to fight with but I don't. Plus I was also tied down. How does anyone think I could fight like this? Sure I could actually call him stupid nicknames and get him angered up. I am good with that but then what? I would get hit over and over again and one split lip was enough. I felt the blood or more like tasted it to know he had quite punched me for a slap earlier.

Jamie: Oh quite the predicament you have yourself in Raymond. Would you like my help?

Me: Do I look like I need help? I have god with me and in gods arm I shall go when I perish.

It might have been a bit much but I wanted to kinda tease her and make fun of her. Of course I needed her help and that question was a bit of a nuisance and I was annoyed with it. That was the only reason why I answered this way.

Jamie: Fine, I'll have pity on you, yo Olaf! Mind coming over here so I can finally kick your ass? Wait- before that, Ray are you alright with me kicking his ass?

Me: For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's.

Jamie: Not the answer I was hoping for.

Me: Ah come on. I don't care, just beat the shit out of him! He dared to hit me while I was defenseless!

Jamie: True, no honor.

Olaf: I am right here!

Jamie: And I don't give a shit! Just drop dead!