Finally, some common sense

~3~

Jamie POV

When we got to Monty's house, I got out and marvelled at the plants, they were cut into the shapes of reptiles.

Me: Ray, these look amazing! Can we take one home?

Raymond: Why ask me? Ask Monty. Now stop gawking at them!

I pouted and crossed my arms as he dragged me to the house, he knocked on the door and Monty excitedly opened it. He deflated and looked at us.

Monty: How can I help you?

Me: Hello, Monty. I'm Jamie James and this is my partner Raymond Renolds... We've come to speak to you and the Baudelaires.

Monty stared at us before nodding and moving to the side. Raymond and I entered, and he led us to a leather couch. As I sat on it, I gasped and ran my fingers along the material.

Me: Is this genuine leather?

Monty: Yeah, a friend made it for me.

Raymond cleared his throat and pinched my hand.

Me: Ow, what was that for?!

Raymond: Sorry for my friend, she gets distracted a lot....

Me: Damn... Yes anyways, Monty... Where exactly are the children?

Monty: Just a second... Violet! Klaus! Sunny!

I saw Raymond jump slightly and I chuckled, we heard quiet footsteps and Violet and Klaus came in the room, Violet holding Sunny.

Violet: Yes uncle Monty?

Monty: Take a seat children, there are two people here to speak with you.

They eyed us suspiciously and sat down, I tried to not make a remark on the way they looked scared before Raymond spoke up.

Raymond: Hey guys, I am Ray and that is Jamie. Before anyone says we are lovers, we are not! We are just best friends who know each other since we were in diapers.

He looked panicked and I couldn't help but punch his side lightly.

Me: Relax... you're panicking.

Raymond: That hurt! You know I prefer animals!

Me: I know... but just, stay quiet ok, let me do the talking..

A nod and he relaxes back.

Jamie: As my partner said, but that's not why we're here today, we, or mainly me, wanted talk to you about Count Olaf. And Authur Poe.

Monty: What about him?

Raymond: To hell with them! Aham .. sorry.

I looked at him and blinked.

Me: Anyways... We are Mr.Poe's superiors and would like to talk to the children to get their case handed over to more... sensible adults. Preferebly ourselves.

Klaus: And why should we? The bank has done nothing but put us in unnecessary danger so far

Raymond: Because we are not directly from the bank.... Besides we might not be perfect but hey who is perfect anyways.....

Me: What Ray is trying and failing to say...

He made a sound of offense, eliciting a giggle from Sunny.

Raymond: Well thanks for making me look incompetent.....

Me: I'll get you some tea later... Anyways, our branch is more connected to the law, if you were to be under our protection, you will have 24/7 guardians, wherever you go, it'll be like we're not even there... And we for some reason are the only adults with an ounce of common sense so far from what I've read.

Violet: What is that supposed to mean?

Raymond: It means we don't care about money since we earn enough and we just want the kids to grow up well. Besides that we watch over idiotic bastards like Mr. Poe who are out for the money of kids' inheritance. Does this make more sense?

Monty: It does... but may I just ask...If anything were to happen to me?

Me: The kids will be placed under their next immediate family member and not just the closest one in proximity... *Mummbles* fucking idiot.

Raymond: But there is also this paperform which you can fill out so we can assign them to a trustworthy person.

Me: But if there are no other family members willing to take them in, they caan choose who they live with... Also, may I just ask, Violet, Klaus, any one of you could answer this question... When you told Poe, that Olaf was out for your inheritance... what was his reaction?

Sunny made a few sounds and waved her arms around. Violet looked at Klaus who looked me in the eye.

Klaus: He was dismissive... and when we told him about the abuse we suffered, he said it was loco parentis...

I licked my lips and nodded, I looked at Raymond and he shook his head.

Me: Raymond...

Raymond: Well let me just say I have a bible for all the sinners in the world...

Me: I'm going to go back there and I'm going to break his legs, then he'll know loco...

Raymond: Oh no you don't! You threw a plant at him and they threatened to call the police on ya too!

Me: We are the law! And that plant was your revenge on my behalf!

Raymond: *sigh* just calm down. We are here for the kids. Sorry Monty Sir... we tend to overreact sometimes...

Violet and Klaus shared looks of shock and horror, Sunny was clapping and giggling. I couldn't help but laugh as well/

Me: Sorry, I just, care alot for children, what these three went through was unnecessary and evil. We'll make sure tha Olaf never gets the chance again... and he can't even act!

Klaus: Thank you!

Raymond gave me look and sighed, tired of me bringing up that one fact.

Monty: So, you'll take care of them?

Me: Protect, but yeah, that's the gist.

Monty took out a pen and looked at the kids.

Monty: Are you three alright with this?

Sunny babbled happily and pointed at us. Klaus smiled and Violet nodded.

Klaus: Sunny likes them, and she's a good judge of character, so yes, we're alright with this.

Monty signed and Raymond gave me a high-five.