I get to choose today. For her sake, I must stay; I must be by her side, I need to be with her. I yelled at her last night, and I really regret doing it, but Jeanine has caused me a lot of stress, so I snapped. It's not Savvina's fault; when I screamed, I saw the look on her face, and it broke my heart, but at the time, my pride wouldn't allow me to admit what I did was wrong.
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What to do is a riddle to me. Jeanine would murder me if I stayed here, yet if I left, I had to be away from her. Without her, how will I survive? Being apart from her physically hurts me.
She brings out a different side of me from what I usually am, which is frigid, and everyone in Erudite is terrified of me. I genuinely detest it. But even her giggle makes this vulnerable part of me feel no humiliation.
I am a little late for the choosing because I have been consumed by my thoughts the entire morning and lost track of time. I search the audience as soon as I go into the room where the ceremony is being held for her. She looks tired and uncomfortable. She is still gorgeous. I must sit next to her. I'm going to allow my ego ruin everything. I climb up the stairs and take the empty spot right next to her.
I have a mental battle with myself if I should talk to her. I hear Jeanine's words
"I want you to choose who you truly are and where you truly belong. Not on a whim. Not because you wish you were someone you're not. But because you honestly know yourself. I want you to choose wisely. And I know you will." Jeannine starts
"The faction system is a living being composed of cells, all of you. And the only way it can survive and thrive is for each of you to claim your rightful place. The future belongs to those who know where they belong."
Everything she says is utter nonsense; she is insane and believes she can use the majority of people as puppets to carry out her murderous plans. She wants me to join Dauntless and take on leadership responsibilities so I may aid her in carrying out her evil plan. She is only good at using and manipulating people, which is why I have to do it even though I don't want to. She threatened to kill Savvina if I stayed, but I don't believe she will actually carry out her threat. Savvina is a literal angel and a light in our dark lives, thus I find it hard to think someone could kill her own niece.
I start to wriggle in my seat as I grow uncomfortable. I gradually grasp her hand in mine. The only thing that can make me feel calmer right now is her smooth skin against my rough one. I begin to comfortingly stroke her hand when she doesn't pull her hand away.
"I'm sorry about yesterday; I was a total jerk," I whisper at he ear.
"It's fine, don't worry." she answers with a sweet voice.
"Our plans are still on , right?" I finally make the decision that has been killing me for the past few months as I gaze at her with a hopeful smile. I sense that here is where I belong when I look into her eyes. Despite the fact that I will never express any of my thoughts aloud I know that they are 100% true.
