The summer I felt lost

He knows everything

The end of primary school, I was sure I was over him or not. I told my best friend about that crush and the next day him, his best friend, my best friend and I decided to hang out at my place.

He started talking and his best friend interrupted him to ask me something. I was anxious about the question. He asked me if i had a crush on his best friend during 1st grade and 4th grade. I said yes because i knew he already knew the truth.

Everything went silent. He decided to break the ice and just start a new converstation.

It was 11pm time for everyone to leave. Everyone was gone, I laid on my bed and all I could think of was him.

I had so much fun that night except from that part. We played board games, eat pizza and listen to music.

It was time to leave and go on vacation for the rest of the summer. That summer was weird.

He texted me every night and we talked until 3am and I realized we had the same interests.

I

loved it.

The summer went on so quick.
Middle school had officially started.

Me and him were on different friend groups but we were on the same class.

I was an "ok" student I knew I could do better only if I didn't have any anxiety problems. I had many problems but the most serious problem was my anger issues. Because of them I would always fight with my mother and because of my anger I would cry every night.

I hated everything. I hated my appearance. I hated that I wasn't as popular as that one girl. I hated him. I hated myself.

The school year was strange. A lot of arguments, a lot of tears from anger, anxiety and especially insecurities.

It was time for the finals. I wasn't as anxious as I expected. I started talking again with him but I decided to find a new guy just to see if I would get over him. Just in time, I did my mini glow up and found a guy he was 1 year older than me. He had a cute face, he was always sweet to me and he bought me chocolate but I still wasn't over that tall brunette with his weird fluffy hair.

Everybody loves blue eyes, green eyes but something was calling me on his dark brown eyes.

I decided to break up with that guy.

I continued talking with Chris that tall brunette I liked since 1st grade. We had the same music taste and style. We talked every night because most part of the day he was out with his friends.

When summer ended we stopped talking, no interaction at all.

I felt lost.